When your friends or family members become new parents, it really is true, the person you were friends with is pretty much gone. Not permanently, but for the first few months, they are definitely shadows of themselves, for moms especially. From not recognizing their bodies in the mirror anymore, to becoming milk machines or professional bottle warmers, to the insane hormonal surges and the complete lack of sleep, your friend is in a place she’s never been before and she’s beyond overwhelmed.

Now that I’m no longer a new mom, I’m an…um, I’m an advanced beginner mom, and I am past the hormonal stage I can now tell you rationally what new moms need when it comes to visits. This list comes from my own experience, and from my past mistakes that I had made with some of my dear friends. What’s that all about?

1. Actually visit! Being a new mom is so f-ing lonely. We miss our former selves. And we miss you. We miss seeing you and talking about things that aren’t our babies. We miss our friends and we need you. There were so many times when I was childless and I wouldn’t visit my friends with new babies because I thought they were busy. Uh yeah they’re busy, but they aren’t too busy to have a visit from one of their loved ones. Get over there ASAP.
2. Don’t stay too long though. Moms are tired AF and have lots of feeding, cleaning and poo to clean up.  If you are going to stay long, it’s because you’re doing their laundry, making dinner, cleaning their kitchen or just holding the baby so they can nap, right? Those are the only acceptable reasons.                           
3. If you say you’re going to bring supper, you better show up with supper. On the third day we were home with LaLa some people came for a visit, which was awesome. They also said they were going to come with dinner. Then they showed up with no dinner, but we were going to order it. Then it took two hours to order. Hormonal breastfeeding me was full of h-anger. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the visit. We had lots of laughs and when the food got there my rage subsided. The thing is, at the time, I loved food more. If you don’t want to watch smoke come off a new mom’s head, bring food. Always. Truthfully though, that was one of my favourite visits when she first arrived…but I haven’t forgotten my hunger. 
4. If you’re coming for a visit around dinner time and you’re bringing food, tell them. Otherwise new mom will panic about what to feed you because she’s starving.
5. Don’t ring the doorbell. Check if the door is unlocked. If it is, quietly walk in. If not, knock quietly and call/text your friend that you’re there.
6. If you can’t visit, call. They may not be able to pick up, and they may forget to call you back because they currently have a memory capasity of Dori, but it will mean the world to them. 
7. Actually, bring food. Every time. Either order it, or bring a casserole they can have later. Just bring food. And while you’re at it, help out a bit around the house if you can. Even if it’s just unloading the dishwasher. Everything helps.
8. If you’re sick, STFO. That’s acronym for “stay the f-out.” Even if you have just a sniffle, reschedule. Getting sick as a new mom is the worst. But getting the baby sick, that’s just horrendous.
9. Even if the baby isn’t cute, lie.
10. Most of all, just be there for your friends. They’ve literally gone through a life changing event and they need you, in any and every way you can be there for them.  

The first few months of motherhood are 100% survival and it really helps to survive if you have a bit of help and a great support system. So the next time one of your friends drops a bowling ball out of their vagina I recommend you refer to this list before you visit them. You’ll also notice that 40% of these rules revolve around food. Take note.