Hey Ladies! All the ladies! Can you believe it? We’re actually moms. Legit childrearing moms. What’s that all about? While I’m sure many of you always envisioned yourself becoming a mother, others like myself, never really could imagine it. I think this is probably because I was single for so long that I had accepted a childless future. It was fabulous, let me tell you. And while this life is also fabulous, less so glamorous, more so fabulous in a smiley puke-y kind of way. 

In my nearly 6 months of seasoned motherhood (haha, I’m still a newby with no idea what I’m doing), there are a few things that I’ve learned about myself and that I’ve learned about raising a little monster, aka my adorable baby. So, for all the other new moms out there, actually, for all the parents out there, here’s a list of things to keep in mind as you go through this life changing experience:

1. This shiz is hard. So f-ing hard. Your entire life is uprooted and thrown upside down. Ask for help and accept help. Don’t be a hero.
2. You are a hero. Contradiction right? You’re keeping a human being alive. Everyday in one way or another you are saving them. By either feeding them, changing them or just giving them love, you are the hero your baby needs. 
3. Don’t murder your husband. A combination of no sleep, hormones and an identity crisis will make it so that at points you hate your husband/partner. Remember, this isn’t real, because when you take a step back, you realize that you love them more than ever. What’s that saying? There’s a fine line between love and hate. I’m 99% sure who ever came up with that just had a baby.
4. Make things easier for yourself. At night I have two glasses of water upstairs. One by the rocker in her nursery and one by where I sleep. We also have a changing station on both floors.
5. Try to get outside once a day. It’s great for your mental health. Plus, you’re starting to look like a basement dweller. 
6. Also try to remember that your husband’s life just got blown up as well and that they are under a lot of new stress. It’s not just about you sister. It’s hard to remember that while you nurse your baby at 3:30 am though. 
7. Don’t be afraid to bring your nursing pillow to your friends houses. I realize that it feels like you’re moving in, however it’s so much more comfortable for you and your baby if you have that cozy pillow with you.
8. Coffee. People call breastmilk liquid gold, but they are wrong. Coffee is the fuel that can get you through the day.
9. If you think you might have postpartum, you probably have postpartum. Start talking to your partner about what you need, get family and friends to visit, and go see a doctor. I did all but the latter. and I feel so much better right now.
10. Weeks go by fast, but the days are long. Time goes by, so slowly. Time goes by.
    
11. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You can’t get everything done. Some days you’ll be able to conquer the world. And others, you’ll only be able to care for the baby. Don’t fret about it.
12. Always have an extra sleeper  or outfit in your diaper bag. Any day could be the day that she has a poo-splosion. 
13. If you think she’s hungry and someone your with says ‘she’s probably just…’ you’re always right. Don’t listen to them. Listen to your instincts. 
14. Inspect their little feet before you put them to bed. You don’t want them to lose a toe over a toe tourniquet. 
15. Go to bed early most nights, but also stay up sometimes so you can feel like an adult again and not just a milk machine. 
16. Guilt will wash over you at all times. Shake it off like Taylor Swift shakes off ex boyfriends. Actually wait, she always seems to want to write a revenge song about them. Shake it off like a polaroid picture. Shake it. Shake it.
17. Ask questions on mommy groups, but don’t take everything to heart. Some of those moms are a tad crazy. 
18. Make sure you talk to your friends every now and then or you’ll completely lose your ability to talk to grownups. 
19. Girl, you got this. 
20. Feed your baby. Breastmilk, formula, whatevs. Just do your best to ensure they thrive. 
21. Just when you think you’ve nailed a routine, they’ll change it on you. In the words of your baby “you don’t know me.” 
22. If your baby is a good sleeper keep it to yourself. The day you tell someone, your baby will get up three times that night and get up super early. Because moms, the first rule about sleep club is that you don’t talk about sleep club.
23. Take that shower. You smell. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you. 
24. If you really gotta pee, just go. No, not on the couch. Sure you’re baby will wake up and be cranky, however that’s way better than a UTI, amirite? 
25. The good days make all the bad days a distant memory. 
26. Feed your baby any where you damn well please!
27. As alone as you may feel right now, you’re not. You have friends in places you didn’t even realize. And the facebook mom groups are mostly filled with support. Some are judge-y, but only read those for entertainment and take nothing to heart. 
28. You’re the mom! You and your partner set the rules. Not grandparents, not friends. You guys. I mean obviously, you need to respect peoples house rules, but if you set boundaries, like don’t give my baby water and someone gives your baby water, you have every right to let them know they are wrong. (No one has given my babe water, this is just an example). 
29. Sometimes you’re going to be irrational. That’s cool. Everyone goes through it. 
30. You’re an awesome mom.
31. You’re doing a great job.
32. It’s ok if you’re struggling. 
33. You’re doing a great job. 
34. Did you hear me? I said, YOU’RE DOING A GREAT JOB YOU AWESOME MOMMY YOU!