After much deliberation, I’ve decided that The Non-Mom-Mom is the name that best describes me and my new identity as a mom. Because while I am a mom now, I am still myself, and myself is the Non-Mom. A contradiction isn’t it? NBD, that’s what life is anyway; pain mixed with joy. Hence: childbirth. A big thank you to all who contributed their ideas for the name change. If you don’t like the name I stuck with, I’m really not so sure I care that much. However, say it out loud a few times, it sounds like you’re eating something delicious. And that my friends, is a win for all of us. 

Anyway, after a relaxed but late night at friends for New Years Eve, our little miss, has decided that she doesn’t want to miss a second of 2017 and has elected to not sleep today but instead fuss and cry. It’s been a lovely way to start the year with our bundle of tears, I mean bundle of joy. Really I don’t blame her, so much will change in a year. In the last 14 months (yes I know that’s more than a year), me and Mr. Opposite got married, moved out of the city and into the suburbs because we bought our first house, got pregnant, which resulted in our lovely little crying peanut and bought our first car together. I also started a new career, changed my name and lost my figure. See what I mean? It’s amazing what a year can bring. So why would she want to miss any of it? Especially when this is the year she’ll change the most.

And while my baby is coping with her new identity, this mommy is also trying to navigate her new persona and it’s as wonderful as it is frustrating. I realize that some of these changes I’m going though are not permanent and some of the permanent changes I’m going to learn to love. However this new person that I already have become, while at the same time am becoming, is a big time adjustment. Below are some temporary things that are driving me B A N A N A S:

• This new body of mine. Because I’m not a celebrity, I don’t have a home cook and personal trainer on hand so I have to shed all my baby weight on my own. And right now while breastfeeding all I want is sugar all day long. So that’s a thing. And while I’ve lost 60% of all that I gained while knocked up and it’s only been 6 weeks, it’s mighty frustrating to only have 3 things to wear. Plus I know that some things on this bod may never be quite the same and that I have to accept it. My hips may always be wider, my boobs may always be saggier (until my 40th birthday present to myself of a boob job), and the magical stretch-marks that appeared in the last week of pregnancy will always scar my hips. But those are my tiger stripes, am I right ladies? I f-ing hate them none-the-less. 
• Then there’s shopping. While trying to accept that it’s ok that I’m not back to my old self yet and get past the fact that I’m not happy with this figure that I’m walking around with, I have to get some items that I can wear and not hate how I look. I know ladies, I shouldn’t hate how I look, but I can’t be 100% confident all the time. It’s just not possible. The problem with shopping to get some ‘feel good clothes’ is that it means trying on things and having sales people ask me how things are fitting. So up a size I go with clothes hugging in places where clothes didn’t hug before. All while trying to save face by making jokes about wishing my body, like the clothes I’m trying on also came “pre-shrunk”. I understand that I just birthed a baby and my body is phenomenal for what it just did and that it continues to amaze me, however, I’m ready for the squish to unsquish. Thank goodness the holidays are over. 
• Conversations. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have nothing to add to a conversation. I know right? Jen Talks Too Much feels like she has nothing to say. What’s that all about? Well, for the last 6 weeks my life has been nothing but baby. Baby this, baby that. Baby baby baby baby baby. My life has become Justin Beibers first hit. I don’t know what’s going on in the world and what I do know, I’m not confident I can speak on it right now. The fact is, if I do anything, I’m thinking about baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. God I miss her. She’s just having a nap with daddy right now and I wish I was staring at her face. 

• Party time. So last night we went to a New Years party, where I couldn’t drink and at 9:30 I was thinking about how nice it would be to be at home in bed. Today, because I wasn’t home and in bed at 9:30 both me and baby have been a nightmare. She’s overtired and refusing to sleep (even though she slept through the entire party) and I am overtired just because that’s my life now. Being overtired. 
• General grooming. One day I’ll go into this in much more detail, but just know that I really only shower when I’m able to take a good 20 minute one. This means I shower every 2-4 days. Gross right? Who wants a hug??? 

What’s been getting me through this change of life has been a number of wonderful things; like my awesome husband, our perfect little screamer who’s the cutest, snuggliest baby in the history of babies, our wonderful parents and great friends. That, and knowing that I’m not the only one going through this or having gone through this. All you moms have already been there done that, and all the soon to be moms are about to go through this. So knowing that we’re all in this together really really really helps. HOWEVER, I’m really looking forward to the day when I have a conversation again that is not about how my baby hasn’t pooped in two days. God I love her. FYI she’s been sleeping for an hour. Finally.