Everyday I wake up with list of things I intend to get done. As each day goes on, the list gets bigger and bigger because as I’m learning, getting things done at this stage is borderline impossible, or at least seems impossible. Seeming is believing. That’s not right, is it?

That said, some days I can get lots done and then there are other days when it’s hard to find time to “tinkle tinkle little me, how I really have to pee”. That’s the song I sing to LaLa when I go number one while holding her over one shoulder. Hashtag skillz. And I have to say that I’ve really nailed the one handed hand wash. Hashtag madskillz.

Here are just eleven of the things I intend to do each day:

1. Bathe the baby. Sometimes diaper wipes will do just fine because while she likes the bath, she hates getting out of it and some days I can’t fathom the thought of doing something that I know will make her cry again. She cries enough as it is.
2. Brush my teeth. Oh it’s 4pm and I haven’t remembered to brush my teeth yet? Story of my life. Just kidding. SMH.
3. Take a shower. Showering is for people with nannies, am I right? I showered yesterday. That should do me just fine for the next few days OR until Mr. Opposite asks me “when was the last time you showered.” What’s that all about? The answer is never what he wants it to be.
4. Go outside. It’s f-ing winter y’all. How many layers does the baby need so she doesn’t get hypothermia and die? Also, my coat doesn’t zip up yet. I mean, I’ve lost all my baby weight. Cough. Cough. We can go outside another day.
5. Fold the laundry. There’s now two full laundry baskets that require folding. I’ll get to that later…zzzzzz. Nap time.
6. Take the chicken out of the freezer for dinner. Damn it. I forgot again.
7. Brush my hair. As the dreadlocks form on the back of my head, I start to understand why there’s a mom haircut. I’m not going to do it, but I get it. (Besides, I rocked this in the late 90’s already.) 
8. Open the curtains. Oh, that’s why it’s so dark in here.
9. Change out of my pajamas. Do I have to? I’m only going to need to put them back on.
10. Drink 100 glasses of water. If I am for 100, I’ll make it to 8-10 right?
11. Check the mail. It’s like a block away. That means the baby and me will have to outside. See number 3.

As mentioned in an earlier post, I have a cleaning disorder and domestic chores are not something I excel in, so this new life of mine is not only an adjustment because I’m raising a mini-human, but it’s an adjustment because I can no longer be a total mess. I’m much better at spending money than my new household responsibilities, and if I had enough, I’d have a cleaning lady who would come 3 days a week and someone who could just be available to hold the baby when I ask so that I can go to the bathroom on my own. Hashtag goals?

Seriously, how am I supposed to get anything done, when this cute thing wants to sleep on me? HOW?