For 4 years I have worn my Non-Mom name and brand with pride. Dishing out advice to those who wanted it and to those who didn’t, I gave the world my opinion in various forms; via  tweets, standup comedy, Instagram, Facebook and my biggest medium, blog posts. Typically unsolicited, sometimes solicited, always nonsensical, and above all, completely inexperienced.

Tomorrow morning at 8am all of this changes, and I will no longer be the Non-Mom, I’ll be a Mom. At that moment, will the essence of the Non-Mom die? Dead? #ded? I truly have no idea who I’m going to be after tomorrow at 8:05 am when I see her goo covered face. What’s that all about? 

During this pregnancy I learned so much about myself and I learned a little about motherhood. I also learned that the army of moms is awesome, that your love for your partner consistently changes and evolves, and holy crap, I have no idea what I’m about to get myself into. Here are just some of the things that I learned:

• Non-moms have very exciting lives. They’re not too tired to stay out past 10pm. They go on trips, they go on dates. They truly live! Since being pregnant, our lives slowed down to almost a complete stop. Probably because my baby is a vampire and drank all my iron leaving me to be more like the undead rather than the living. And we bought our first house that needed renovating. So time and money wasn’t exactly free these last few months!  
• Moms (and dads) are incredibly thoughtful. Once my friends with kids (and family too) found out I was pregnant, the amount of check-ins I received increased by about a billion percent. They gave me tips about how to make my self comfortable, dropped of things I would need that I didn’t know about (like a Snuggie – that thing’s a dream). Sent me cards and packages. I’d get calls from people who kinda stopped calling me and the love I have felt has been incredible. It actually made me feel guilty about all my other friends that have had kids and how I wasn’t as around for them maybe I could have been. I’m looking forward to paying this love forward for my friends that are about to have their either first, or 100th child.
• Actually, in general, moms and non-moms alike just shower you with love when you’re pregnant. People get so excited for you, it’s wonderful. You feel just so loved by everyone. It’s truly incredible.
• Hormones are a bitch.
• We are incredibly lucky we were to be able to get pregnant.
• You realize how badly you need your family. Our family is small and not very close in terms of geography. Thank goodness for Facetime. But, it’s scary having a baby and not having a village to rely on. Makes you feel like you and you partner are all on your own. Luckily, we do have some wonderful friends nearby!
• Grandparents will spoil you. Whether it’s by coming for a few days to clean your house, making meals for you for when the baby comes, picking up baby gifts every time they see something cute. Whatever it is, the grandparents have gone ga-ga.
• I don’t get angry about child pictures on Facebook anymore. Or at least not as much.
• Your husband and/or partner is truly your rock in life. Each day you love them more.
• Pregnancy is not a cake walk. In fact, it sucks. BUT, you get to have a beautiful baby at the end. So I think it’s one of those things in life that are so hard that it makes it worth it. Like climbing a mountain or something.
• But seriously it sucks. From having to do genetic testing to ensure everything is ok, to extra heart scans that worry you, to major digestion issues, to sciatic torture pain, to foggy brain, to having ZERO energy and no mental clarity, it’s just awful. But then you feel her kick. And that’s magic.
• People will try every trick they have to get you to change your mind about an elective c-section. It comes from a good place and they mean well, but there’s nothing wrong with having a c-section. It’s another safe way to bring a baby into the world. Hashtag: too posh to push. Plus, when you live an hour away from your doctor, a little planning helps alleviate a lot of stress. Also, at the end of it, you get a baby with a perfectly shaped head, AND (very importantly) your vagina too is also perfectly shaped when you’re done. Sounds like a win-win to me, right? Why risk your favourite body part if you don’t have to? Truthfully, out of the 39 weeks and 2 days that I’ve been knocked up, today I woke up truly excited for the first time. It’s better than Christmas eve and I feel as happy and excited as I did the morning of our wedding. The worry I’ve felt over the last months is gone, there’s nothing more I can do from a diet stand point. She’s cooked, and her birthday is tomorrow!  
• I had no idea my ankles could get so big.
• It’s amazing how much you can love someone you’ve never met, and at the same time, you have no idea how much that love will grow the instant you meet them.

As you can see, I’ve clearly grown. So what does this mean for me and the Non-Mom? Is this a goodbye? Or, am I going to evolve like a dinosaur turning into a chicken? Who knows really? But this adventure sure is going to be a big one. The rest is up to me and Mr. Opposite keeping her alive outside of the womb. I can’t wait for us to meet her. It’s going to be heaven.

Non-Mom out.