Logo

Navigation
  • Home
  • About Jen Richardson (Woodall)
  • Social
  • Random Thoughts
  • Guest blogging
  • Archives

Ask the Non-Mom: when your child thinks she’s a frog

By Jen Richardson | on August 27, 2015 | 0 Comment
Featured The Non-Mom
Fb-Button

This is the new section of The Non-Mom, where instead of providing unsolicited advice, I provide solicited (completely inexperienced) parenting advice. Once again, you’re welcome!

Dear Non-Mom,

How do I get my two year old to believe she is in fact a human and not a frog?

Erin, Sharon

Hi Erin, great question. My nephew went through a period where he believed he was a T-Rex. Then he knew he wasn’t a T-Rex, but would become one, and would correct you if you addressed him as Evan when he was a T-Rex. Because get it right aunty, he’s a mother f’n T-Rex.

My first question is, are you sure your child is actually a human and not a frog? What’s that all about? I mean if she hops like a frog and ribbits like a frog and eats flies, then maybe you gave birth to an X-Men. That’s pretty cool right?

Secondly, if said child is in fact truly human and not a frog, how can you be sure? So try this: 

  • Ask her what colour her skin is. If she says green, then once again, she may truly be a frog.
  • See if she can catch a fly with her tongue. If she has this skill, you may be screwed.
  • Ask her if mommy and daddy are frogs? 

Actually, have you ever wondered if you and your hubby are frogs too? That’s an excellent thing to look into, check your lineage. 

And really, frogs are the coolest. From leopard frogs and their spots, and bullfrogs with their loud noises, and tree frogs. Oh my gosh tree frogs and their suction cups. When I was little I was obsessed with frogs. My dad is convinced that myself and my neighbour at the cottage may have been accidentally responsible for the disappearance of the frog population on our lake (we were great hunters). 

So, after my assessment, I’ve actually come to the conclusion, that you and your husband are not actually humans and that you are either frogs, or X-Men. And I feel so special that I got to talk to you because you’re a miracle. 

Wish you luck with accepting your reality. 

All the best!

The Non-Mom

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Share this story:
  • tweet

Tags: advicechildren are weirdFroggerfrogskidskids are weirdnon momthe non-momyou're a frog

Recent Posts

  • Hopes for my daughter

    January 3, 2019 - 0 Comment
  • 12 Month Bucket List

    August 1, 2018 - 0 Comment
  • Dos and Don’ts: Prepping, Pampering and Preparing for Child Birth

    November 26, 2017 - 0 Comment

Related Posts

  • 15 ways to prepare for going to work after mat leave

    October 20, 2017 - 0 Comment
  • Momming While Sick

    September 24, 2017 - 0 Comment
  • 25 Useful Baby Things for Year One

    September 13, 2017 - 0 Comment
Comments are closed.
  • Popular
  • Recent
  • Comments
  • Hopes for my daughter

    January 3, 2019 - 0 Comment
  • What Would Skinner Do

    October 14, 2010 - 27 Comments
  • Portland Variety: Insulting people, one pregnant woman at a time

    August 16, 2016 - 22 Comments
  • 3 Kinds of Men – theories from my early 20’s

    March 30, 2010 - 17 Comments
  • Hopes for my daughter

    January 3, 2019 - 0 Comment
  • 12 Month Bucket List

    August 1, 2018 - 0 Comment
  • Dos and Don’ts: Prepping, Pampering and Preparing for Child Birth

    November 26, 2017 - 0 Comment
  • How Not to Make Mom Friends | The Non-Mom-Mom

    I'm from Windsor, but am in Bowmanville now!
    November 14, 2017 - Jen Richardson
  • How Not to Make Mom Friends | The Non-Mom-Mom

    I literally do the exact same thing. I reek of mom-friend...
    November 8, 2017 - Megan
  • How Not to Make Mom Friends | The Non-Mom-Mom

    Yes! Yes we can be friends!
    September 8, 2017 - Jen Richardson

Subscribe by RSS

RSSSubscribe 0 Followers

Tagged it

advice babies baby bullies cats children children scare me comedy Cool Dancing date dating Douche Drinking dudes eating facebook Family Friends idiot interview Jen Woodall kids life love marriage Men mom money Mr. Opposite music Muskoka non mom parenting parenting tips pregnant sex sexy the non-mom the non-mom-mom Tina Fey Toronto Windsor women work

Recent Comments

  • Jen Richardson on How Not to Make Mom Friends | The Non-Mom-Mom
  • Megan on How Not to Make Mom Friends | The Non-Mom-Mom
  • Jen Richardson on How Not to Make Mom Friends | The Non-Mom-Mom
  • Robynne Mills on How Not to Make Mom Friends | The Non-Mom-Mom

Blogroll

  • Documentation
  • Max Sawka
  • MarkedWordz
  • Pete Newton - Podcast
  • ALL. THINGS. GO
  • Dylan Upper
  • Major Gal
  • Love Me "Do's"
  • Choose My Adventure
  • Kurt Krumme

Connect With Me

Archives

Get In Touch

Your message was successfully sent.
Thank You!

© 2013. All Rights Reserved. Created with love by Jen Talks Too Much
»
«