I have now been in my 30’s for 3.5 years, and if you compare that to professional experience, I’d say that I’m ready for a promotion by now. And because I’m an expert at being in your 30’s (this is a new proof point to be added to my CV immediately) I feel it is my duty to give the honest truth to help prepare those who either are nearly 30 or have just become 30. You’re welcome really. I wish someone had done this for me.

• Your back actually starts to hurt. Maybe it’s because you’re out of shape, inflexible due to lack of stretching, or maybe it’s because you’re in your 30’s. Who knows?
• You’re always tired. You don’t even need kids for this. The thought of going out past 10pm on a school night is preposterous. You will pay for that bad decision for the rest of the week.
• If you managed to make it through your 20’s grey hair free, you’re lucky because in your 30’s out of nowhere they will start to appear. And, that one grey hair that you pulled out will reappear over and over and over again.
• Nothing is actually secure. In today’s job market, there’s no such thing as job security. You are a commodity. Remember this and be prepared.
• You can’t eat cookie dough for dinner anymore. You just can’t. What’s that all about? Ok. You can. But be prepared for a wicked belly ache.
• Tick. Tick. Tick.
• Oh did you hear that? That’s your biological clock speeding up. Whether it’s your mom, mother-in-law, well meaning mom friend, or doctor, people are constantly willing to remind you that you’re no spring chicken anymore and that your birthing years are quickly disappearing. 

• Relationships take work. If you’re with your person, you have to both work at making it work (I think I just said work too much). Seriously though, sometimes things get tough, but if you truly love each other, you’ll find a way to make it through anything.
• There’s no room for phony friends anymore. I hope by now you’ve weeded out the bad ones, and only focus on those friends who make you a better person and vice versa.
• That said, you have zero time. Whether you’re working too much, parenting too much, or both, you seriously have zero time. Don’t fret if you don’t see your friends for months or years even because if you’re truly friends it won’t matter how much time has gone by.
• I assume by now you’ve figured out how to dress that makes you feel and look your best. If you haven’t, please know that feeling good about how you look goes a long way.
• Wrinkles are a fact of life now. So are age spots. Stop obsessing and just start to take care of yourself. Lots of water and appropriate sun exposure.
• It’s time to get the wheels in motion to make your dreams come true. Come on get to it. You’re smart enough now and strong enough to do anything you want. Maturity goes a long way.
• You can’t keep up with 20 somethings when it comes to going out. Don’t bother. Go home and put your Netflix on. It’s where you want to be anyway. 
• It’s sooooooo much harder to lose weight. Ugh. Being a grownup sucks.
• Speaking of which, being a grownup totally sucks sometimes.
• It also totally rocks sometimes.
• If you’re still single, don’t waste your time on someone you don’t see a future with. It’s not worth it. And, don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t treat you as they should. You’re too old to deal with a loser. Move on and get out.
• You’re going to have parties and your friends will need to bring their kids. This is ok. Just accept it and have fun. Kids are giant little weirdos that are always good for a laugh anyway.
• Metamucil should become your best friend.
• You’re parents were actually right. Can you believe it?
• If you don’t like where you are, change it. Go to school, take a course, whatever. You can even start at the bottom in a career that’s more in line with your dreams if you want. Seriously, you’re going to be working for at least 30 more years, so why stay in an industry you picked in your 20’s if you hate it?
• Love yourself, love your quirks, love your body, love your partner, and most importantly, love your cat.

I’m 90% sure I have more advice, but I think for today this should suffice. So good luck to you nearly 30 somethings. Things are about to get better, worse, and then better again.