As you know, I have a lot of opinions about parenting and children, hence The Non-Mom series. If you get me started I could go on and on about how I think the world should rear their children to ensure that we’re not faced with a generation of Bieber types. Thinking about that makes me queasy. Recently on the Howard Stern Show, Seth Rogen put this into perspective by talking about what it was like to meet Bieber, “He’s a good example of someone you meet, who you think you’re going to hate, and then you get to hate him as much as you thought,” Now, let’s face it, there’s an entire group/generation of Bieber clones out there and we need to put an end to this immediately. Immediately.

Sorry, where was I? Anyway, because I have these opinions, I often think that children shouldn’t really be anywhere in public. For instance: the movies (at least, any movie I’m at), fancy restaurants, and anywhere in general where adults want to enjoy a conversation. But then, this Tuesday, while at the Kenny vs. Spenny show, a group of pre-teen boys came in with one lucky father. My first thought was ‘Oh God, this is going to be terrible,’ but then, like that moment in the Grinch when his heart grew bigger, I had an epiphany ‘How will these kids ever get cool* if they aren’t able to experience anything?’ What’s that all about?

It was that moment when I realized that maybe I shouldn’t hate on everyone so much (provided their kids are well behaved and not little jerky Bieber wannabes).

Side note: within ten minutes of the show, the guardian (aka lucky father) with the children made the executive decision to get them out of there. And truthfully, I really don’t blame him; one of the first videos was Kenny pretending to jerk-off while chocking himself with a belt and then ‘squirting’ on the mirror. It was uncomfortably hilarious. However, it was definitely not something that impressionable and recent discoverers of masturbation should be seeing. So kudos to the parent for the attempt, and kudos to the parent for drawing the line.

So with that, here is a list where you should bring your kids but only if you’ve trained them to be well behaved:

• A nice restaurant
• The movies (even ones where they may need a guardian for – provided it’s not too graphic or too mature)
• Anywhere really. I’ll stop being a jerk now (or at least try)
• But not the Kenny vs. Spenny show. It’s immature comedy for a mature audience. Hilarious because of how ridiculous and over-the-top it is (I really loved the show BTW)

Remember though, if your kid is a jerk (be honest with yourself) get a sitter. Everyone, including you, will be so much happier.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s inexperienced parenting advice!

Love,

Jen Talks Too Much

*By the word ‘cool,’ I mean interesting, experienced, worldly, etc. Not like ‘popular’ cool. I also write about Bieber too much.