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Men & Makeup

By Jen Richardson | on January 17, 2013 | 4 Comments
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Most mornings, I wake up, annoy Mr. Opposite a bit (I try to get him to spoon me each morning), finally get out of bed and head to the bathroom. I then look in the mirror, and am all kinds of shocked at what I see. I honestly don’t know what happens to my face while I sleep. It’s as though, in the middle of the night, someone sneaks into my room, punches me in both eyes, and sucks all the blood out of my face. It’s insane. Shocking, I know. I’m sure you all thought I wake up looking fresh faced and ready to go, but I don’t. I wake up looking like a vampire who parties with Lindsay Lohan. Pale and hungover with two black-eyes.

Luckily, with a quick shower and layers of makeup, I can join the living and walk out the door looking like a human, not a zombie. Luckily.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like to go through the above, and then to actually have to stay looking that way, all day. It would be terrible. To have to get up, look in the mirror and think ‘well, this is what I’ll look like today,’ sounds god awful. It actually makes me feel sorry for men, as it’s way less socially acceptable for them to wear makeup. The poor dudes, are stuck looking the way they actually look, with no support and enhancement from the magical world of cosmetics.

So, I’ve decided that it is now socially acceptable for men everywhere (not just South Koreans) to wear makeup whenever they see fit. Tell all your friends.

Hey dudes:

  • Up all night partying like you’re 19? Don’t worry, you can wear makeup to work tomorrow.
  • Have an unsightly pimple? Cover it up, and while you’re at it, cover those age spots you got going on. It’s no big deal.

Women have been doing it for centuries and it’s wonderful. Really wonderful. I can wake up in the morning looking like a 4, and leave the apartment looking like a nice solid 6.5-8 depending on the outfit/hair/makeup of course. There you go men, I, single-handedly, have once again done you a favour. You’re welcome.

 

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Tags: dudeshideoushungoverLindsay LohanmakeupMenMr. Oppositepalespoonvampirewomen

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4 Responses to “Men & Makeup”

  1. January 17, 2013

    Jen Woodall (@jentalkstoomuch) Reply

    So grateful that I don’t have to look like what I look like in the morning. Thank you makeup. Thank you.
    http://t.co/r8gMZ5Sd

  2. January 18, 2013

    Ben Reply

    Good idea! or… wait… I could NOT cover my skin with chemicals and fill my pores with toxins, not make it so my signifiant other loves a painted version of me and not the real me, not artificially raise the standards of my gender to unrealistic levels, NOT contribute to giving every man alive an inferiority complex and not fuel an industry that feeds on my self loathing while poisoning me and torturing animals.

    Yeah, I think I’ll do that instead.

    The question is ladies, why aren’t YOU?

    • January 18, 2013

      Jen Woodall Reply

      You’re right, a 6000 year old tradition must be stopped. And while we’re at it, we should also stop painting our walls, putting on clothes and jewelery. Why even bother brushing our hair?

      There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup. It’s fun to do, and it showcases your favourite features. Why not paint your face as you would a canvas?

  3. March 3, 2013

    Jane Reply

    Sorry for men because they can’t benefit from the magic that makeup can give in our appearance. Makeup is really helpful to improve appearance and boost confidence. Great article.

    Jane,
    Permanent MakeUp New York

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