Luckily for me and all the other women out there, my Camp Kitchi friend (yes I went to summer camp, yes it defined who I am as a person, yes I miss it, and yes my kids will go there) Michelle Shemilt has launched her Indiegogo campaign to get her new line of women’s undershirts into production. I know what you’re thinking, ‘Jen, you don’t write about products unless you’re making fun of them,’ which is mostly true unless I think they are doing something very special (like Oreo’s pride message last year). Also, when it’s a camp friend, I’ll bend a rule or two, especially if she’s sweet, smart, and has come up with a product that will help me. I’m so selfish (wink).

A few Fridays ago, I met with Michelle (pronunciation of her last name unknown) at a coffee shop where we discussed work, boys, life, and Nudy Patooty. She filled me in on all the details about how she came up with the product, what it’s made of, and her next steps to making this dream come true. Now, because I’m a bit of a goldfish, I had to send her some questions this week to refresh all of the delightful things that she told me. See below our Q&A about a product that could change the way women get dressed for work.

1. LAUNCH WEEK! You must be so excited!!! Tell me a little about how you came up with an undershirt that helps save your clothes from the terrible and tragic sweating that supposedly some women do?

I am very excited!!  I came up with the idea for a women’s undershirt line while I was working in finance on a trading desk and realized that I wasn’t wearing my favourite clothes because they were either prone to embarrassing perspiration stains (ie silk blouses!), odour stains (for me silk-jersey blends are a terrible culprit) or they were dry clean only and I knew I could only wear them once or twice before taking it back to the dry cleaners which was costly!  Favourite clothes are meant to be worn, and not “saved for a special day”, so I decided to develop a solution to this common problem and get our most loved outfits back in regular wardrobe rotation!

2. I’m going to be frank here, this is GREAT that you’ve #1 become an entrepreneur and #2 that you started your own line of undershirts. Because they focus around sweating, would you say that you sweat more than the average gal, or is this one of those things that everyone does and nobody talks about? (You know, like the horrific reality of childbirth, that everyone glamorizes yet in reality there’s poo involved.)

Thank you!  I think I am pretty average in the perspiration department.  Some materials which don’t breathe well or are made out of a synthetic fibre I find exaggerate the problem.  But it is definitely one of those things that everyone does but no one talks about!  Whether you perspire a lot or not it happens to all of us to some degree because its a way for our body to secrete waste, which is what causes the yellow stains!  Antiperspirants also cause their own stains on clothing due to the aluminum compounds they use to prevent perspiration.  And deodorants leave a flaky white residue which means you need to wash more frequently.  So wearing a Nudy Patooty not only prevents perspiration and antiperspirants from staining your clothes, but it also allows you to get more wear out of them before needing to dry clean again. Dry cleaning also uses a lot of chemicals which is very hard on your clothing.  So the less you launder (either at the dry cleaners or in the home washing machine) the longer your clothes will last!

3. Speaking of sweating…let’s talk functionality. How is this undershirt better than other undershirts?

There aren’t many undershirts made specifically for women, and the ones that are available certainly weren’t made with women’s clothing in mind – they have bulky hems, baggy sleeves and high necklines, which make them difficult to wear under a low cut silk blouse!  Nudy Patooty’s fit snug to the body and have an extra low neckline, tailored sleeves to eliminate bulk and a delicate lace hem that lies flat to the body.  They are designed to be worn inconspicuously under most styles of women’s clothing.

4. So, I wore your shirt. It felt like a soft hug. What makes the shirt so delightful against my naked, errr Nudy Patoody skin?

I am so happy to hear you loved it and a soft hug is the perfect way to describe how they feel!  Nudy Patooty’s are made of a bamboo fabric which is silky soft against the skin (I think of it as a luxurious mix between silk and cotton).  Bamboo fabric is also anti-odour, regulates your body temperature, is 3-4x more absorbent than cotton and is a renewable resource!

 

5. Nudy Patoody? That’s a cute name. What’s that all about?

I actually worked with a very talented brand manager from eLance to come up with the name.  I knew I wanted to use the idea of “nude” and needed something catchy.  When I heard Nudy Patooty I knew it was perfect because its easy to remember and usually makes people smile, which is always a good thing!

6. Can you fill everyone in on your Indiegogo fundraising efforts? Ahhem…how we all can help you get this to the next level.

I launched my Indiegogo campaign this morning, where you can help get me to the next level by pre-ordering a Nudy Patooty (or several!)!  My goal is to raise $35,000 to fund my first production order, and I now have 30 days to reach this goal.  For those not familiar with Indiegogo, it is a crowdfunding platform where people can essentially pre-order products or receive “perks” for helping fund start-up companies.  In the case of my business, my Indiegogo campaign will allow you (or anyone) to pre-purchase one of my undershirts at a discounted rate!

7. So…what’s next?

After the (hopefully successful!) Indiegogo campaign I am going to launch my ecommerce site, www.nudypatooty.com in the fall.  I am also looking at the shopping channels as another avenue of distribution and down the road would love to see Nudy Patooty’s in department stores, and as a staple in women’s closets!  In terms of the line, I have lots of other plans for expanding the product line in terms of different style options and of course more colours and sizes!

There you have it. A Canadian undershirt designer and entrepreneur that needs our help. Here are some links to find out more about Michelle and Nudy Patooty, and more importantly, here is the link to her Indiegogo campaign:

This past weekend, I, with the help of two of my moms best friends and their partners, threw my parents a surprise 40th anniversary party. It was stressful, it was fun and it was full of lies. . My parents maid of honour and best man were there, family was there, old friends and new friends were there, we even skyped in my brother, his wife and nephew too for the big surprise. It was wonderful. Because of this, I’ve created my second video post EVER. What’s that all about? Well, first of all I forgot to say what’s that all about in my video, and second of all, I learned a lot from this experience and I wanted to share!

What are your surprise party tips?

With that, below is a list of as many things I can think of that I did all the time as a child but would never, I repeat, never attempt now:

• Taking a corner on a bike with no hands and no helmet. Actually let me rephrase that, riding a bike at any time with no hands or even one hand.  Or even riding a bike with no helmet. Um…maybe even riding a bike (at least while I live in the city). I remember once my tire came loose and I crashed. Big time crashed. It was scary and hurt like crazy.
• Jumping out of trees. We would climb as high as we could and then jump out. In hindsight, this was a terrible idea and we’re lucky we didn’t die. However, at the time it was lots of fun, especially when we’d jump into a pile of leaves that we strategically placed below us for landing ‘padding’.
• The double bounce on a trampoline. So much height. Too much for me.
• Running down hills. At this stage in my life I would trip, fall and break my neck. I like my neck. I don’t want to break it. I’m also going to add to this one going down a snowy hill on a GT. Those things are scary fast.
• Jumping off cliffs into unknown waters. I quickly learned in lifeguard training that this is a terrible idea.
• Pushing homemade (sans adult supervision) go-carts across streets. Yes, there was minimal traffic on our boulevard, but still, cars can come out of nowhere.
• Clinging on to the outside of a walking bridge handrail. There’s a reason the handrails are put there. So you don’t fall into the river below where dead fish float.
• Barefoot puddle jumping. This was the most fun thing in the world when I was little. Now, this just seems not only dangerous because of the fact that you can’t see what’s at the bottom of the puddle, but also gross…because you can’t see what’s at the bottom of the puddle.
• Monkey bars. Especially hanging upside down and doing flips on them. I pretended I was a gymnast ’till I fell on my head and lost a patch of hair.
• Sliding down staircase rails. Fun yes, that is until your knee gets smashed into a bar and swells up to a size that shouldn’t be possible.
• Any of the figure skating jumps and flying spins I would do. I once did a flying camel missed landing on my foot, and instead landed on my chin. I still have the scar.

I think, for the most part, that covers most of the things I did as a child that I would never do now. When I think about it, I was pretty lucky for a few reasons; firstly, my neighbour Andrea made it so I didn’t have to be a typical girl playing with barbies. We played outside, got dirty, and were always building things. I will always treasure the memories that I have from those adventures (mostly because I didn’t die and am still here to remember them). And secondly, to state the obvious, because I didn’t die.

What did you do as a kid that you wouldn’t even consider doing now?

This party, like most of our parties was a ‘Mixer-26er’ party. This means that each guest is required to bring a 26er or a case of beer. The house (us) would supply all of the mix, all of the cups, and all of the garnishes. Also, each member of the house would contribute to the bar with something a little more fun, like Fireball, or Sourpuss, to ensure that if people wanted to do shots, they could. The bonus of hosting these parties was that the house got to keep any left over booze, which was great during our economic recession we all seem to call university. These parties, often consisted of a lot of fun, random people hooking up at our house (let’s just say our orange couch got a lot of use), the police getting called for noise complaints, and a dance party in our kitchen where all of our serving utensils would become pretend microphones. They were awesome.

Because of our age and the accessibility of alcohol, many of us consumed MUCH more than we ever should. Andrea, one of my Windsor friends, also known as Ange, had a little too much fun and because alcohol is a depressant, got very sad about how much she missed her boyfriend, Leighton. What’s that all about? In her adorable drunk sob-fest, Ange inconsolably cried about just how much she missed him. It was a lot. She really missed him. Ange being the super cute crier that she is, laid in my bed weeping and repeating to herself and to all of the girls, ‘I miss Leighton. I miss Leighton.’ We reassured her that she’d see him tomorrow, and that she saw him that morning, but it wasn’t good enough. She wanted and missed her then boyfriend (now husband) so much, that there was nothing we could do. She had to cry herself to sleep. It really was so funny, and so cute. But I never really understood it. It seemed crazy, hysterically funny, and so ridiculous to me. She saw him THAT morning and she was going to see him the very next day. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. I had never missed anyone like that. That is…until recently.

It was at some point last year when I went away for the weekend, for a girlfriends bachelorette party at a cottage on Pelee Island, sans Mr. Opposite. It was just two nights. That’s it. It was my first time ever leaving him since we had become really serious. He had gone away a couple of times for boys nights, but this was different. I was the one gone. I was the one who wasn’t going to be sleeping in our bed. So, when it came time for bedtime, I got really, really sad, not crying sad, but really really sad (I’m lying, I teared up 100%). I hated that I wasn’t going to sleep beside him, that I wasn’t going to wake up next to him, and that I couldn’t kiss his face. I hated it. Like seriously hated it. As I sat staring into the starry night sky moping after our goodnight call and was thinking to myself about how much I missed him, a thought came into my head, ‘I miss Leighton. I. Miss. Leighton’. I finally got it. I finally understood how drunk Andrea felt about her faraway lover. That pit in your stomach feeling like something is missing, something big. So, from that moment on, whenever I go away for the night and I start to really miss Mr. Opposite, I think to myself ‘I miss Leighton,’ and then I start to laugh. In fact, it actually makes my aching heart feel a little better that I’m not alone in my close to obsessive longing for the man I call my number 1.

Note: Leighton and Andrea Bain gave me permission to write this post. Also note that Leighton is a talented musician and you can find him on myspace here: http://www.myspace.com/leightonbain

What went into my eye you ask? Well it was this:

Yeah. Ouch. Mr. Opposite had done a recording the previous week and tucked away the Mic stand in the middle of the carpet, in the music room that is in between our bedroom and the bathroom. So that, coupled with Tuna luring me into the music room to trap me into the torture chamber, and I fact that I have terrible night vision (I know this, and yet refuse to put my glasses on when I get up at night), it was a trifecta of booby traps resulting in me nearly blinding myself. What’s that all about?

As the pain was borderline intolerable, and the fact that my vision was a bit blurry and I tossed my cookies, Telehealth told me I needed to get to emerge ASAP. Yes I called Telehealth.

It was my first time at St. Mikes so I had to give them all of my information: name, date of birth, emergency contact. Emergency contact? The breaks hit for a moment here, for 30 years of my life, my parents were always my go to emergency contact. But they are in Windsor, and I am the luckiest girl in the world because I have Mr. Opposite now. So, for the first time in my life, my partner in crime was listed as my emergency contact, not my mom and not my dad. It was a little weird initially, but it was so right. I witnessed myself grow up right in front of my very own eye (the other eye was a little swollen and excessively blinking). Honestly though, when I think about it, if something were to happen to me, the first person I would want to see would be him. He’s my number one. He calms down my crazy, which is a hard skill to acquire, and he’s my perfect opposite that I now need in order to function as a human.

So, after 6.5 hours in emergency, having an IV hookup in my arm that they never used, and experiencing my very first CT scan, it was determined that I have a soft tissue injury in my eye and eye hole. Thank. God. I was so worried that I was going to loose my eye, wear a patch, or have brain damage. Turns out the only brain damage I have is the damage I’ve always had, ADHD and lack of spacial awareness.

Years ago, I’d be at parties in Muskoka and the same guy would be manning the iPod. He’d play tune after tune, keeping the party at a steady level of debauchery and happiness. At the time, this iPod ‘DJ’ was just another cottager with a love of music. Now however, that cottager is much more than an iPod ‘DJ’, this guy has steadily climbed the ranks and now DJ’s  with Theophilus London, has been featured in GQ magazine, and has DJ’d the hottest parties around the world, from the Gatsby Launch, to fashion week.

Who is this guy? Well, besides being one of Canada’s latest exports to the US, a total babe, New York’s latest up and coming DJ, and an all around pretty normal guy, he’s Brendan Fallis, and he’s kind of a big deal. Luckily for me, Brendan kindly let me ask him some questions and even kindlier, he responded. Cheers to intriguing acquaintances, circles of friends overlapping, and to Brendan for being kind and polite – like a good Canadian should be.

Brendan Fallis. What’s that all about?

1) I’m going to start with I guess the obvious big question…GQ?! When you got the proverbial phone call that you were going to be featured in GQ what went through your mind? Were you like, what the f!!!! This biz is getting real? Were you calm? Did you want to chest bump the person standing to your immediate left? I know I would have probably jumped up and down and then tripped with excitement.

It was definitely a pretty surreal moment.  Not so much on the chest bump level, but a different feeling of excitement.  Then I realized quickly that I would be flying to LA the day before the shoot, so for the shoot I would have to fly back that am, do the shoot and then get on a plane immediately after and head back to LA.  It was a long 24hours but well worth it.

2) As a child, did you know you wanted to be in the spotlight? I once passed out autographs on my street when I was a kid (no wonder I had a hard time making friends). Were you like that at all?

I never thought about being in the spotlight on a serious level.  I think all of us once dreamed about being on television or in a movie, or fantasized about being a musician though.  Or at least I did, but never seriously.

Nothing really beats the days of playing an iPod in Muskoka.  I still long for those times.  And although I seem to be getting more people congratulating me these days, I don’t really feel like I’m making it yet.  It’s a lot of fun and I’m accomplishing good goals for myself, but I don’t see myself any differently then my friends/peers who are accomplishing their goals as well.  Just keeping my head down and working.

Again, I don’t really see myself as being any different then anyone else, so it’s pretty easy to stay grounded.  I just stay thankful that I am lucky to have all these opportunities and never take them for granted.

Ha, that would make my story much more interesting.  In reality, I have a great friend that gave me a chance to move to New York to work for his company.  I realized that it’s a chance I shouldn’t pass up.  Then when I got here I became fairly obsessed with nightlife and going out for not only fun, but networking purposes.  I met so many people from so many walks of life and then when I started dj’ing, I was able to use those relationships to push forward a little further and help out my career.  I’ve always wanted to be successful, that’s for sure, and am still striving to become successful.  And yes, lots of dreaming does happen on that dock, and it’s fair to say my dreams are different now then they were then.

Well my girlfriend is pretty phenomenal and couldn’t be happier.  Keeping in touch with old friends, well that is also more then amazing.  I wish I had more time to call people and catch up, but it makes the time I actually get to hang with them that much better.

So, now that you’re all officially a little cooler for reading this (you’re welcome), check out Brendan’s social’werks and see for yourself:

@brendanfallis

facebook.com/djbrendanfallis

brendanfallis.com

instagram.com/brendanfallis

So because of my much needed vacation, I’m going to give you all a list of how to tell if one of your colleagues needs a holiday, so that you don’t misinterpret their nasty stress levels for who they really are:

1. They seem unusually angry. Like so angry that if you’re near them you can feel the heat radiate off of their skin. If you’re near a person like this, kindly drop off vacation deals that you’ve found and a $20 to help them pay for their trip. 
2. The nice girl/guy has turned into the biggest b-word in the history of the office. It feels unnatural when nice people get mean. It’s like the world is out of order. When this happens, casually drop lines like ‘oh, when is your next vacation’ or more directly ‘maybe you should go on vacation?’
3. When they can’t seem to make it into work. Either they are sick or need to work from home. What this probably means is that they need to take time off and not work at all. Like not even think of it. At. All. If you notice a person doing this, I recommend signing them up for travel contests in the hopes that they win.
4. They start to come to work disheveled, looking like Nick Nolte and acting like Kramer when he had unlimited free coffee. First things first, be sure they haven’t picked up a recreational drug habit. Then offer to pay for their vacation. Just kidding. I know you can’t afford that. Tell them they should take a couple of days off and to come back after they’ve showered. 

Try to remember that once upon a time your colleague was a decent person and that they don’t actually hate you. They may be acting this way, but it’s just cause their brain is tired and they need a mental holiday. Unfortunately, I displayed many of the above four items, which I am #1 embarrassed about, and #2 finally taking my vacation while trying to get on Jimmy Fallon. For the last month I have been feeling like a mentally disturbed, tired, angry, disheveled coffee addict. I look forward to coming back as a refreshed, happy, coffee addict. So work friends, soon I will bid you adieu.

Sayonara.

While watching Rebel Wilson’s amazing interview/dance-a-thon on Jimmy Fallon over lunch today (if you don’t watch the above video, I will walk over to where you are and slap you backhanded with my ring on), I had an epiphany. I should be on Jimmy Fallon. What? Yes, I said that. I know it’s very modest of me, but let’s pause and think about it for a second. There are many many many reasons for me to be interviewed on his show, which is why I made my very first video post!!! See below:

If you don’t have time to watch the video, you can read why I think Jimmy should interview me when I’m in New York May 12-15th:

1. I’m not racist. What’s that all about? This means that you don’t have to worry too much about me saying something that offends an entire subsection of the population.
2. I can dance. Not like So You Think You Can Dance styles, but I gots moves. For example, I can still Roger Rabbit, I can Windsor shake with the best of them (this is when you stand in one spot and shake your butt repeatedly) and I’ve perfected the Mom dance. This dance involves a lot of wide steps, an overly exaggerated smile and some big claps above your head. It’s a stellar move. Legendary actually.
3. My face is pretty much symmetrical. Except when drinking, then one eye becomes slightly smaller than the other. Not that having a symmetrical face gives you the rights to be on Jimmy Fallon, but I figured I had to try.
4. To steal Lena Dunham line in Girls ‘I may be the voice of my generation.’ I’m not quite sure that this is all that true, however that’s why I included the word ‘may’, making the statement vague and not at all factual. 
5. According to myself I’m very funny. Just ask me. It’s one of the first things I tell people.
6. I’ll sing. I’ll do it. Sometimes I’m on key, sometimes I’m not. It’s like a vocal roulette.
7. I on purpose look out my window hoping to see my neighbours doing something naked. I can talk about this as long as needed.
8. For my 31st birthday I asked for world peace. And 30 other things, but world peace is pretty rad.
9. I will help Jimmy and team write and choreograph the MJ Beat it social media parody, Just Tweet It.
10. It would really help Jen Talks Too Much grow and that is a big dream of mine.

Start spreading news Jimmy…I’m going to be in New York from the 12-15 of May. If those dates don’t work for you, I can come again. Just let me know when works.

#getjenonjimmy

Please share this post with your social networks to see if a little blogger girl from Toronto can finagle her way onto Jimmy Fallon!

Ps. this is my first video post so constructive criticism is welcomed. Criticism that will make me cry however is not welcomed. Not. At. All.

Dear Future Potential Teenaged Unborn Daughter,

• Love whomever you want. Boy or girl. Any race or creed or alien. Alien? Yes, alien. We have to had some ‘encounters’ by now.
• Don’t give yourself away to just anyone. Make sure that when you do cross the path to sexytown, that it’s with someone who makes you feel good. It’s not worth being with someone who doesn’t like you back. It hurts too much. As my mother always told me, like her mother told her, ‘if you don’t respect your body, no one else will.’ Oh and USE PROTECTION!!!!!
• Take care of your body. Not for appearances, but for health.
• Wait to get pregnant. Wait as long as you can. There’s so much of the world to see before you’ve totally devoted yourself to a child.
• Don’t go tanning. Skin cancer isn’t worth it. Embrace your paleness.
• Don’t be a mean girl. Making others feel bad about themselves will not payoff in the end. Sometimes it will seem easier to go with the crowd and mean-girl-it-up, but don’t do it. Makes you look like a jerkstore. Besides, if legendary Tina Fey wrote an entire movie about how terrible mean girls were, do you really want to be one? Yes, Tina Fey is retro, but she’s brilliant. Read her historic book ‘Bossypants.’
• Choose you’re friends wisely. Just because someone is ‘cool’, doesn’t mean they are a good friend. Friends are supposed to be there for you. Make you feel good. Tell you when you’re being an ass. They don’t leave you out. They don’t spread rumors. In general, they add more value, than they do harm.
• High School isn’t that important. I mean, get good grades, work hard, and try to have fun, but it’s just not that important. Say you live till you’re 100, if you’re in high school for 4 years, then that’s only 4 percent of your entire life. If you’re having a hard time, put your head down, get your work done and know that it’s a very short chapter in your life. You’re going to change so much over the years that when you look back, you’ll laugh at how everything seemed so detrimental and in reality, it was just a blip in your proverbial timer.
• If you’re having a problem talk to me about. I promise to try not to judge. And I promise I will love you no matter what. No. Matter. What.
• Forgive me sometimes. Remember that I’m growing up with you and that I’ve never done this before so I’m going to make some mistakes. I’m doing my best.
• You’re going to have your heart broken. It’s going to feel like the world is ending. It’s not though. Try not to punish yourself for too long and try to move on as fast as you are able. You’ll regret all that time you spent moping. Seems a bit harsh but one day you’re going to find yourself in a relationship where it’s all of a sudden easy. You’ll see why every failed relationship didn’t work out and you’ll be grateful that they ended when they did. It’s like that proverbial ‘aha’ moment. When your person holds you and you realize that ‘this is what it’s supposed to feel like.’ It’s wonderful.
• Help people other than yourself. Whether you volunteer, lend a hand for a friend, or visit your grandparents regularly, it will make them feel better and you will too. Really, it’s a win win.
• Having good friends is the key. Friends that make you feel good. Friends that you’re yourself with. Those are the friends you want in your life.
• Work hard. If you have a dream, work towards it. Regret is a terrible feeling. Believe in yourself. All of the successful people out there decided that they wanted something and went after it. If you do nothing, nothing will happen. Get moving now.
• Wear make-up. You don’t have to and you don’t need it but it feels good. Really good. And, it’s awesome that it exists.
• Don’t try to keep up with people you can’t afford. Paying off that debt will take forever and you won’t have much to show for it.
• Learn to save. Hopefully by now, I will have figured out how to do this and can be a good example, if not, don’t be like me. Save some pennies. Oh, you might not know what a penny is…save some nickles.
• Don’t bully. Don’t do it. Be nice to people. Even if you think they are weird, know that everyone has had different experiences and has different genes. Know that everyone’s idiosyncrasies makes them unique and makes them who they are. Besides, if you’re my daughter, you’re definitely a giant weirdo, so look hard in the mirror before you start calling names.
• Embrace the arts. They enhance your life in so many ways.
• Read. Read books. Read the news. Educate yourself.
• Watch Band of Brothers. It does a great job of showcasing the atrocities of what real hate can lead to.
• For the love of God don’t be racist. Don’t hate people because of their sexual orientation. Be open minded. Be accepting, not tolerant. Being tolerant, just isn’t good enough.
• Dance. Dance all the time. Not much in the world feels better than dancing.
• Don’t do real drugs. I get that you’re going to experiment within reason (READ WITHIN REASON!), but stay away from pills and powders. Too many people get swept away on drugs. Really, they become selfish assholes. And they sweat a lot. Last thing you want to be is a selfish sweaty asshole. Seriously though, don’t do drugs. It scares me to think about what terribleness could come if you do.
• At some point you’re going to ‘hate me’. Try not to have it last too long. I only want you to be happy.
• Make money, but don’t be greedy. If you become successful, pay your staff well so they can have a good life too. Share the wealth.
• Your teachers only want to help you have a good life in the future. Respect them. Study hard.
• Have fun. Have fun whenever you can.
• Enjoy food. Eat healthy most of the time, but don’t be afraid to treat yourself. Dining is one of the most luxurious experiences we can have. Don’t punish yourself if you’ve eaten too much.
• Love your body. It’s not going to be perfect. Accept that and love it anyway. Really though, who decides what’s perfect? A photoshop artist? Get over it and know that you’re beautiful. Because, if you are beautiful inside, you will radiate beauty outside.
• Learn to forgive yourself. You’re going to make mistakes along the way. We all do. It just called being human.
• Above all be kind. Kind to your family. Kind to your friends. Kind to strangers. Kind to your teachers. Kind to yourself.

Love, your future maybe mother if she ever decides to have kids.

Isn’t city living so exciting? Literally sexciting?

In the human sized aunt hills we call major cities, thousands upon thousands of people are crammed into small spaces. Because of constantly being pressed shoulder to shoulder with one another, many of us have become desensitized to our surroundings. We no longer require the privacy that we once had while living our past lives in small cities or towns. It’s like we’ve all developed an invisible force field, rendering us to think that no one notices what we’re doing. But the thing is, the force field is invisible, so everyone can see what we’re doing. Pretty much, all, the, time.

The other week, Mr. Opposite and I were getting ready to watch a movie, when we noticed two people aggressively going at it on their balcony across the street. Our apartment is in the center of the concrete jungle, with the apartment beside ours only being a small small street away. We saw everything. We saw their hand movements, and how they had to do up their pants when they were done. We even turned our lights off walked up to our blinds, closed them enough so they couldn’t really notice us, and tried to get a better look without being caught. It was a bit creepy, but who cares, it was hilarious. Hilarious for many reasons:

1. These two were on their balcony in plain sight. “Hey World! Look at us! We have sex!!!!”
2. It looked totally awkward, and maybe like one of them was paid. Their encounter after the finish line seemed very business like. And a little humiliating. She sadly sat on the couch, and he bolted as soon as possible. If it wasn’t a business arrangement, then it definitely was a disappointing hook up.
3. I think they wanted to be watched. They probably even got off on it. Come on, let’s face it, if you’re getting it ‘on’ on your balcony that closely faces another building, you want to be watched right? That’s even worse than doing it with the lights on and the blinds open when your neighbours are less than 15 feet away. I get that you can’t always control when the magic is about to happen and if your a human and not a hermit you want to have the blinds open to let some life in, however, there comes a point in a make-out session when it is probably smart to close the blinds. I also get the excitement of the risk of being watched, but I also get that the internet exists and that people can post whatever video they want (for the most part), whenever they want. And that my dear friends, is a scary enough reason to close your blinds.
4. What’s extra funny is that a few years ago a good friend and colleague of mine lived in the same building. Sometimes, he’d MSN me saying, ‘My neighbours are going at it again’, ‘I think she’s a mistress’. Maybe it’s the same girl.

Anyway, this encounter led me to wonder many things about the couple who were going at it for all the south facing units in my building to see. And, more importantly, why couldn’t I stop myself from watching? I’ve seen several people make-out across the street from my unit, and every time, I’m like a deer in headlights, unable to look away. What’s that all about? Are we all a little bit exhibitionist? Is it just me? Am I perverse?

Luckily, while at a friends birthday party, we were discussing this topic, and we all confessed to watching our naked neighbours. Phew, crisis averted. I’m not a total creep (at least in this case). Some even confessed that they got a little rush walking around topless knowing there’s a chance that someone could see. I mean really, who hasn’t had an outside sex fantasy? Finding a spot where you’re hidden, but you could get caught. That’s normal right? Mile high club anyone?