So I realize with the impending birth of my daughter, I’m going to have to figure out a rebrand for The Non-Mom. But since I haven’t figured that out yet, and since I’m still not yet a mom, The Non-Mom I will be until I come up with something clever. I’m not sure The Non-Mom-Mom works. Maybe it does? I don’t know.
Anyway, in response to my loving parents who continuously try to sell me and Mr. Opposite on the fact that now that there’s a baby on the way, we need to get a minivan or at minimum an SUV, I’m going to reiterate publicly to the world why me and Mr. O won’t give into society’s norms. What’s that all about? Below are 10 reasons we will never buy one. Maybe my rebrand tagline will be “Will the Non-Mom eat her words? Let’s find out!”
- We do not want one ever. Not ever. Not nobody. Not no how. Sure I can see their practicality. But why do we have to be practical?
- Do we really have to pack up our house every time we go somewhere with our kid? Really?
- We’re really only planning on having one little rugrat. Will she really need 4 other seats to herself? I don’t think so. Unless we clone her due to her inevitable perfection. Just kidding, she’s going to be our kid, so she’s going to be all kinds of flawed.
- We like small cars. If I had my way, we’d get a Mini Cooper and figure out how to make it work.
- We’re only looking at strollers that get real small.
- And we’re going to trick her into only loving one stuffy and one blankie. Not all of them. Besides, our house is too small to have too many toys.
- Millions of parents get by without even having cars. Why do we need the biggest one?
- Just because we’ve sold out on everything else, you know, marriage, suburbs, house, kids, doesn’t mean we have to give the last one up. Can’t we have this one thing? One thing that keeps us Yuppie like?
- So society says it’s what you should do, doesn’t mean we’re going to. We live on the edge. We be rebels like that.
So there you have it, 10 amazing reasons for us not to cave. Number 9 is my personal favourite. And when I’m struggling and complaining about my small car, you can all say I told you so, but we’re still not going to give in. Stubbornness is a great and terrible trait.