Throughout my life I have had a complex relationship with the vessel that holds all my organs. When I was a young figure skater, I wanted to be prettier, stronger, fitter and thinner. Mostly thinner. And when I got walked in on while changing at school by some boys from another school and when they told everyone that “it would have been great, if I had a paper-bag over my face,” this didn’t cause any repercussions what-so-ever.
Then in high school, I stopped being athletic because I wanted to hang out with friends instead and I put on 20 lbs in one summer alone. At that point I was told that “I had the prettiest face in the entire high school, but not my body.” So confusing. Was I supposed to like my face now?
Throughout university, I continued to fluctuate between hot and not hot. Up ten pounds, down 15, up 20 pounds, down 10. And so on and so on. I also, had a terrible relationship with what I ate, and the amount of alcohol that I consumed (all of it). Needless to say I wasn’t the nicest to myself.
In my late 20’s however, something changed. As I eliminated the people in my life who didn’t make me feel good (both girls and boys), I started to see myself differently as I looked into the mirror. I started to think I was beautiful. And by the time I was 30, I knew I was beautiful. What’s that all about? And I’m not really talking about my body, or my face. But I just knew that I was beautiful. I was funny, smart, hard working, kind and all kinds of messy.
I finally understood what it meant. I finally got it.
So now that I’m in my mid-thirties, I finally have a great relationship with my reflection. I mean, sometimes I get mad at it, but for the most part, I know it’s my best friend. Here’s what has changed:
- Alcohol is for sometimes and not all times. And going overboard is a nearly extinct scenario.
- When I don’t like what I see, I know that there are a few things I can do to remedy the situation. First, I can take a shower (who knew?). Second, I can put some make-up on. Third, I can brush my hair. And fourth, I can change what I’m wearing. I don’t need to not like what I’m looking at because I can always change something.
- I no longer sweat it when I go up minimally in weight and I don’t get too excited when I go down minimally in weight. Provided I’m still healthy, I’m looking good.
- There is always something that I can find that I won’t like about myself. But there are always more things that I can find that I love about myself.
- I know that personality affects how most people view you. Say you’re average looking, but you have a spectacular personality and are interesting. You have much more value than if you were just beautiful with nothing to say. That’s way more attractive.
- Wrinkles and age spots just come with having lived passed 30. I MADE IT!!!
- The more I learn and experience, I know that this is making me more beautiful.
- Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. I once met this accountant who was obnoxious and very sloppy. However, she would meet amazing guys all the time. Why you ask? Because she was confident.
- Practice Stewart Smalley’s motto:
- So, my body isn’t perfect. What’s your point? It get’s me from point A to point B. It’s capable of enjoying a good romp in the bedroom and it feels good to me. So your point is null and void.
- Smiling is my favourite.
- I know that who you are as a person matters way more than your waistline and jawline. Fact.
- I’m no longer punishing myself after I enjoy a nice meal. I just need to make sure that I’m also eating all my vitamins.
- Naturopaths should be one of your best friends. I’m very lucky in this scenario.
- The more you read, the more you learn, and the more you attempt to better your mind, the less how you look matters. Smartsing is the way to go. Smartsing.
- Love yo’self.
I also know this: I know that now that I’m in my mid-thirties, my body is different than it used to be. And I haven’t even birthed any aliens yet. But, this is ok. Because I’ve had a wonderful life, filled with mostly ups and some major downs. I have made great friends and fallen in love and have discovered my love of words and humour and have educated myself on those things. These are the things that really matter and that’s the stuff that makes me beautiful. My squishy belly don’t mean a thing. #aintnothang