Dear Canadian Celebrities,
As you all know, err, as some of you know (I’m not putting money on J. Beibs being aware of this, but I’m hoping he’ll prove me wrong because he’s still got a lot of cred with the young folks), this year is our election. Our Federal Election. For those Americans reading this, that means we are electing our (less important than yours) national leader. You know, something like Obama except not a celebrity and not a nuclear threat. So it’s a big year for us. It should be as important as your 2016 election, but unfortunetly it’s not. Mostly because a lot of Canadians won’t know about the election due to Elections Canada not being able to promote voting. Crazy right?
And that’s why I’m writing to you, Canadian celebs, we need your help. And we need it badly. Now, I realize that you may not care to help because many of you have lost your ability to vote because you live in other countries and are considered expats, however, that’s why we need you now more than ever. We need you to want your right to vote bad enough that you’ll do an ad for free. I’m sure most of you are patriotic and proud of the fact that you’re from Canada, and that you care about how Canadians are treated and represented in the world. Don’t you? Don’t you want Canada to be the peace keeping, friendly nation that we’ve always been. Don’t you believe that global warming is real and needs to be a top consideration. Don’t you? You have to, right?
We need your street cred because we also need Canadians who don’t regularliy vote (an embarrassing 61.1% of Canadians voted in our last election) to get to the polls and they won’t do it unless someone famous tells them to do so. And to repeat the fact that Elections Canada is no longer allowed to promote voting, so somebody has to. Seriously, what’s that all about?
You see, all we have is you celebrities. so please come together, make video and put it on YouTube. I’ll work to find a media company who will help us get PSA status resulting in free TV airtime. In fact, I know all the people that can help us get this made if you’re interested. Seriously, I know all the people. Here’s a terrible script to get your creative juices flowing:
Gone is the Canadian Dream
Voting is discouraged
Polluting is encouraged
And it doesn’t matter who you vote for
As long as you know you deserve more
You have a voice
So make your choice
Vote twenty fifteen, October nineteen
See, it’s not that hard.. We need you celebs, more than we’ve ever needed you before to get the young ones out, so we get the Canada we deserve. And maybe, your right to vote again.
Jen Talks Too Much
Note: script subject to change when a real copywriter gets their mitts on this. Please also note that that was the first poem I have written since high school.