How people chose to live their lives is their choice, married, not married, single, coupled, tripled. Whatever. How you live your consenting adult life is up to you. But for those hopeless romantics who have dreamed about their perfect wedding since they were in the womb, this post is for you.
I’m pretty sure 80’s and 90’s romcoms are partially to blame for my idealistic view of my wedding day. The Father of the Bride, sure the dad dealt with some money woes and catastrophe’s but her day, the brides day, was perfect. And, the groom’s day probably was too. Somewhere along the line before Mr. Opposite came along, I developed an idea of how the day would play out. With elements from the Wedding Planner, My Best Friends Wedding, Run Away Bride, and as mentioned The Father of the Bride. I think Julia Roberts and Jennifer Lopez influenced far too much of my life back then. Anyway, I always pictured the day as ‘My Day.’ The day I got to be a princess, where all my favourite colours, people and decor would be perfectly painted into a vision that was all mine. What’s that all about?
The problem with this vision, is that the day isn’t ‘My Day,’ it’s ‘Our Day.’ Our day. Our day. Our day. I need to keep reminding myself with each step as we get closer to our date. And for me to be a good partner, I can’t get everything I want. And boy do I want everything (I am truthfully a ridiculous human being). I need to consider his wants and his needs for this day. The day needs to be his too. It needs to reflect both of us, and perhaps it’s because I was single for 29 years, I had never considered this.
In fact, when we were first engaged, I once looked at Mr. O and said “I can’t believe I’m getting married.” We then laughed for a very long time about my craziness.
And at first, when I wasn’t getting all that I wanted I was a bit frustrated and probably had a tantrum or two (or 10). But now that we’re further along in the planning, I’m so happy that we did this together. It’s so much better than it just being my vision. It’s our vision. There are elements of light (me) and dark (him). Girly and dudely. The day, will now be a reflection of our partnership, our compromises and our concessions to each other, and our love. Our beautiful love.
And while I may not arrive in a horse drawn carriage to the wedding, I’m 100% grateful now that he talked me out of this. I’ll arrive with my dad, in the car he took me to every soccer game I played as a child. Which is much better, more personal, doesn’t cost anything and is way cooler.
So remind yourself of this when you start to get push-back on those doves you want to let out into the sky. It’s not your wedding, it’s your wedding. That’s plural if you didn’t catch that. A wedding is your last big project together before you become Mr. and Mrs. so do it together, you’ll be happier with the outcome.