We all do it. We all have secret single behaviour that we do every time or almost every time we’re on our own. I’m not talking about behaviour for single people, but our alone behaviour. What’s that all about? Secret Single Behaviour just sounds a lot better than Secret Alone Behaviour doesn’t it?
I think there’s also some relevancy in the name because much of our alone behaviour is developed when we were, well, single. So once again I have proven the relevancy of the name. You’re welcome.
I bet that many of you have even weirder and funnier SSB’s than I do (which seems unbelievable to me, but it has to be true – doesn’t it?). And because of this, I’m going to share with you mine so that it will make you feel more comfortable to share yours:
- When I’m home alone, sometimes I won’t go downstairs to the bedroom for hours. Because of this, when I get uncomfortable, instead of going downstairs to put my comfy’s on, I just take my pants off. Then I spend the rest of my night doing everything in my undies. I recently realized when/if I have kids I may not be able to do that again for many many years. This upsets me.
- Dress up.
- Remember that episode of Sex in the City when Miranda took the cake out of the garbage and ate it? I don’t do that, but I’ve been pretty close.
- Speaking of eating. I’ll make one of my childhood favourites: noodles, margarine, Kraft parmesan (must be Kraft or it’s ruined) and salt. And, I’ll have seconds.
- I interpretive dance. Full on ballet mixed with emotion, mixed with weird movements.
- Sometimes I record myself singing. I’ll put the girliest song on to YouTube with the lyrics and sing so loud and record it. Most of the recordings are terrible.
- Not only do I interpretive dance, I also act out musicals.
- Sometimes I’ll just stare out the window. For hours. I’ll start thinking about atoms and space and go into this ‘what does it all mean’ wave of thinking.
- I’ll spend HOURS on facebook. Like borderline unhealthy amounts of time. If you’re my friend, I’ve creeped on you at least once. You just have to deal with this.
- I will also text Mr. Opposite about 1000 times. Luckily he loves me because if he didn’t he’d think I was a stalker.
- Criminal Minds.
- I also like to re-watch movies I’ve seen 100 times already. Lately the repetitive movie(s) of the moment are the Hunger Games movies.
- There are also times when I’ll just stare at my face in the mirror. I’ll look at my pores, my newly formed 30 something wrinkles and I’ll wonder when that age spot formed.
- I’ll write. Ideas. Notes. A good sentence that came to me that I could use later for something.
- Scavenge the house for any form of chocolate. Ideally, this will come in the form of cookie dough.
- Obsess over my cat and take multiple pictures with him. Gosh Tuna Turner is the cutest thing on earth. I’m looking at him right now. I just want to squeeze him and pet him and kiss him and love him. Yes, I am a cat lady.
- I’ll make cookie dough.
- I’ll eat cookie dough.
- I have an irrational fear of choking while home alone. So when I am, I’ll look at all my furniture and plot out which pieces will be the best to throw my body against in the case that I actually do choke.
- To the tune of Jimmy Fallon’s Tight Pants: Fat pants. I got my fat pants. I got my fat pants on.
See, it’s not so hard. I feel better now that you know how much of a complete weirdo that I truly am. Now it’s your turn! I so want to hear that at least some of you are as weird or weirder than I am. Go!