Because of the industry that I work in (aka Advertising), and well, human instinct, being a woman and getting older is somewhat of a terrifying thing. While for men, every year that they age they get better looking and more desirable – those jerks! And us on the other hand, we are told we need to fight the aging process as hard as we can while we get bombarded with face moisturizers, and an instilled fear that those young things with tighter bums are going to come in and steal our place in society. Really, it’s not fair. What’s that all about?
- The dreaded vagina neck. First, there’s nothing wrong with vaginas. They are a wonderful source of pleasure and life, but the fact that as I age, my neck could start to resemble one…that, I can’t deal with. I study my neck all the time and moisturize it constantly. I’ve even come to terms with the fact that one day I may sign-up for a neck lift, if such a thing exits.
- Flappy (not flabby) arms. Sometimes, I’ll stand in front of the mirror and jiggle my arm fat back and forth, I have done this since my mid-twenties. I’ll think to myself, ‘are they worse than last year?’ Then I’ll wish that I had the same dedication that the FLOTUS, Michelle Obama has; her arms are unbelievable. Just look at them:
- Age spots. I got my first age spot last year, now I have four. What if my hands become one, I mean two giant blobs of age spots? And my face? Oh my pale face. Why did I get so many sunburns as a child?
- Wrinkly knees. I really like my legs. Next to my nose, they are my favourite feature. But what happens when my knee skin starts to droop? Is their a knee-lift surgery that exists as well?
- My breasts falling. There was one time I visited my deceased mummo (Finnish for grandma) at her nursing home in the 90’s. My mom went to adjust her shirt just below her belly button and what I saw was her nipples. They were beneath her belly button. That could happen to me. That could happen to all of us.
- Old eyes. I’ve considered botox on multiple occasions. I haven’t gone through with it. But I’ve considered it. Really, I should probably focus on drinking more water before I do anything crazy. However, I still think about it. The good news is that you can get acupuncture to decrease the amount of visible wrinkles you have before you do something ludicrous, like injecting your face with toxins…Bo-Toxins.
- Grey pubes. I mean, who has pubes these days anyway, am I right? Am I right? But still, they grey, like our heads, they grey. Scary stuff here, especially since I’ve read that the bush is coming back on trend.
I realize that all of the above fears are as ridiculous as they are sad, and in reality I’m still quite young and that I should embrace aging and do it gracefully like my beautiful mother. However, these fears, they are always there, no matter how much I tell myself that I’m being just a brainwashed dummy.