Disclaimer: this may offend some of you. This post is about the judgement that happens amongst women when it comes to their own and others birth plans.
For the love of God, please stop boasting about your ‘birth plan.’ I mean, I guess I get it, it’s one of the absolute most important days that you’re ever going to have and you’re probably really excited, nervous, terrified, etc., etc. but come on. Why is it called a ‘birth plan’ anyway? Why does everything we do need to be branded? Why isn’t it called ‘having my/our baby day’? That’s what is is right? The way you’ve elected to bring your child into this universe. Which is a very personal, wonderful, magical and amazing thing. The thing is your plan is just that, your plan. It may seem to be the best plan in your eyes, but in reality, it’s just the best plan for you. If we ask about how you intend on squeezing the watermelon out of the lemon, then it’s different, we then genuinely want to know. But if you’re constantly posting facebook articles about the best way to birth a child, then you’re taking this thing a little too far. It’s like all those ‘breast is best’ articles, sure it’s natural and a wonderful source of nutrients combined with bonding, but listen here: sometimes the baby doesn’t want the tittie. Don’t judge.
I hate to break it to you, but the most important part of that day is that you and your baby made it out unscathed and healthy. That’s all we really care about. In fact here’s a complete checklist of what most of us care about when you have your child:
- Mommy and baby healthy? Check.
- Dad didn’t get concussed due to fainting? Funny.
What’s actually the worst part of all the ‘birth plan’ talk is the fact that many of you judge each other about how the other intends on bringing their baby into the world. STOP it! Stop judging each others baby days. How someone decides, or doesn’t decide to give birth to their damn baby is not for you to judge. Sorry, I don’t care that you’re against drugs, planned c-sections, home births, and doula’s. Pretty much, no matter what way a baby was brought in to this world, that was the right way. So stop all that judgement you’ve got going on. It’s not your baby so who really cares?
All that should really matters is that you, the baby, and your baby daddy, made it through with out any injury. That’s all. Do we care that you planned your c-section around the moons schedule? Nope? Do we care that you planned an at home natural birth? Nope? And do we care that you planned on being so drugged up that you couldn’t feel a thing? Absolutely not. Don’t get me wrong, you can tell us, and we’ll gladly listen and be excited/nervous for you, but we’re not going to agree with you that your way is the best way. Your way is your way. My way is my way, and her way is her way.
Most importantly, stop judging yourself. If your baby decides that he or she wants to come out ass first, and your scheduled home birth has to change to a c-section because it’s safer, then it’s safer. And isn’t yours and the babies safety the most important thing? And, so what if you change your minds and ask for drugs. Don’t punish yourself for it. And don’t judge another a soon-to-be mom you know who is planning on an epidural. That’s that moms decision to make, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to take some of the pain out a painful situation. Also, don’t judge a mom who wants to have a wonderful private birth at home because you think a hospital is safer, midwives exist for a reason you know (plus women have been having babies at home for centuries, so cut it out). You’re all putting too much pressure on yourselves and your peers. What’s that all about? Having a baby is about having a baby. A perfect scrunched up faced little alien that will be really cute in about a month. It’s not about who did it the best way.
To sum this all up is that all we want is for you to have your baby and most importantly be safe and healthy, and that your birth plan is the best plan…for you.
Ps. I love you all.