I wasn’t much of a dating expert. In fact I was terrible at it. I’d invest all of my time into people who generally didn’t give a $hit about me. And would write-off nice guys, well, because they were ‘too nice.’ Idiot.
Anyway because of all my bad dating decisions and unwanted heartbreak I experienced, when looking back on my relationship with Mr. Opposite, there were substantial differences in how we evolved as a couple and how he (for lack of a better word) ‘courted’ me. Although, if you ask him I pursued him, but let’s be real here, we all know that’s not true. Ha. Actually, it was mutual and completely out of our control. So here’s a fool proof list of how you’ll know if the person you’re currently with has a chance of making it:
- There’s no such thing as ‘games.’ When it’s right you don’t have to analyze every word in that text message. If he says he had a good time with you and would like to see you again soon, he means it. And you mean it too. When it’s not right, you doubt each message because you don’t trust it. You sit there and dissect each letter, analyze the punctuation he used, ‘OMG he used a period after the word no,’ and you have to ask all of your friends what they think his last message meant. So when he says, ‘Hey, I had a good time last night, I’m really busy, so I’ll reach out to you in a week or so,’ that my friend is a brush off. It takes two seconds to text. What’s that all about? I mean, maybe he’s busy and can’t actually see you, but he can’t call? Can’t text? When guy likes you, they always find a way to reach you. Cut your losses. If he’s actually into you and just an idiot, he’ll smarten up if you stop being available at his every whim.
- You want to spend more and more and more and more and more and more time together. You just can’t get enough of each other. When you have other plans, you try to find ways to see each other before or after or both. Sleepovers become so regular that you may as well live together, then you live together. That’s the goal isn’t it? To find someone you want to devote most of your time to? I’ve come to believe that relationships should evolve, if yours is stagnant, why is it? What’s holding them back or yourself back from spending all your time together?
- You can feel how much they care about you. Whether it’s their expressions, their touch, or the tone of their voice, you just know. Even when they are mad at you, you can still feel it. And even when they are really really really mad at you…you still can feel it.
- You miss each other. All. The. Time. The ‘Oh I saw you five minutes ago? The longest five minutes of my life. I miss you so damn much,’ kind of missing.
- Your goal is the same. If both partners want it to work out, then you’re more likely going to have a positive outcome. Even at the very beginning, if you both ‘want to see where this thing goes…’ you’re off to a good start. But, if you’re in it and think to yourself, ‘I don’t think this is going to go anywhere,’ then stop wasting their time and yours. If when you ask them where they think this is going, and they say ‘I’m just having fun right now and not really looking for anything serious,’ unless that’s what you want too, then run for the hills. Run as fast as you can.
The thing is that when it comes to finding the love of your life, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and wants to make it work. That’s it. That’s the trick. Selling yourself short for some a-hole who looks pretty, but treats you terribly, or has a good job, but has no time for you, isn’t good enough. You deserve more. Repeat this to yourself ‘I DESERVE MORE!’
That’s it for now.