Oh hey! Me again. I’m hoping to redeem myself after yesterday’s Non-Mom post. So here I am again, with some unsolicited parenting advice. I know you’re all excited!
So, what I’ve heard through the grapevine, aka my mommy friends, is that being a mom, and especially a new mom is T-ough. Like tougher than a well-done steak tough (note: if you like meat, then what are you doing eating it well-done? Talk about ruining something awesome. I digress). I also hear that it’s amazing and can be even cuter than a viral puppy video. Didn’t think that was possible, but apparently it is.
Anyway, as many of you already know I work in the great and powerful industry of Advertising. In fact, I work at one of Toronto’s leading agencies kbs+ (I need to end this sentence, but it’s awkward putting in a period after a plus sign, so this little aside is helping me big time). Here at kbs+ we like to hire talented people and because we hire talented people many of them have side projects, much like me and Jen Talks Too Much (see that, I just called myself talented. Eek, I take it back – quasi-talented). One of the many talented people I get to work with is Lyranda Martin Evans the co-author of the new book Reasons Mommy Drinks. This blog-turned-book is in my opinion, the next New-Moms Bible.
These women, have collected a series of real life funny and gross, and scary and sweet child rearing scenarios, and coupled them with a cocktail that would best fit the scenario. Not that I’m condoning parenting drunk, because that sounds dangerous, and not that they are either (they have some killer non-alcoholic drinks in there too), but sometimes, a nice cold beverage is just what the doctor ordered after you had to clean explosive diarrhea off of your child’s neck, back and bedroom doorway. God, I wish my friend Sarah never showed me that pic, I am forever scarred, and frightened about the capabilities of children’s poo.
Because I work with this soon-to-be celebrity mommy author, I was able to do a little interview with her about the book and it’s upcoming launch. See below our tantalizing conversation:
1) Let’s start with some facts: tell me a little about your relationship with your co-writer Fiona Stevenson, and also the key dates of when the book is released. Also, where the soon-to-be-moms, and existing moms that are reading this can find this new mommy bible AKA Reasons Mommy Drinks.
Fiona and I have been besties since grade 9. We had matching pencil cases in geography class. We went on the write comedy for years together, even did Second City conservatory together. Then we got preggo at the same time and we’re like “let’s use all our massive free time on mat-cation to come up with a big business idea!” Ps. Maternity leave is not a vacation. Holy shit. We were so naïve. Anyway, we came up with a blogging idea (and loved that it cost pretty much no money), the sticky name got a lot of traction and press, and now it’s a book! You can buy it at your favourite bookstore online (like amazon, barnes and nobel, indigo etc) and in actual stores Sept 10.
2) How much of this book is faction? You know, a fact that has been modified, thereby making it fiction, thereby making it faction?
It’s all fiction!*
*legal disclaimer so our kids don’t later sue us.
A lot of it is also based on other mommy anecdotes, stuff our fans blogged to us, stuff we heard at mommy groups. But yeah… a lot of it is also based on truth. That’s why it’s so rich, a tapestry of reality and jokes and vodka. Pulitzer stuff, people.
3) Out of all the cocktails, which are your top 5?
The Red Carpet fizz – hooray for champagne
Mexican coffee – bye bye debaucherous all inclusive vacations, but hello, at least this cocktail will keep you up past your new 9pm bedtime.
The Friend Request – Chambord and sparkling wine, delicious
Baby Belly-ni – nonalcoholic and acceptable to enjoy any time!
The After 8 – soothing, gentle, and delicious. Dessert in a cup.
4) Let’s be real here, this book is hilarious, the blog is hilarious. So who’s funnier, you or Fiona?
I am obviously funnier because Fiona is not here to defend herself in a battle of wits TO THE DEATH.
5) How do you cope with your crush on the nanny?
The Nanny just didn’t show up one day. I’m not kidding. She just… Didn’t show up??? Like, imagine if I just didn’t show up anymore. Shaahreyna (our AMAZING receptionist) would be like “your time sheets are 98 days overdue!” Anyway, that’s what the Nanny, who was guarding the one thing I love in this universe the most, did to me. Now we use a lovely super duper overpriced daycare and he’s much smarter and well-rounded and.. And… YOU BROKE MY HEART NANNY!!!!! (sobs)
6) This is a big conversation I have with my other non-mom friends, why is it that when you get together with another mom it’s called a ‘play-date’? Can’t it just be a ‘hangout’?
It’s a play-date because the kids play with each other which means you don’t have to entertain them (as much). So, you get adult time during daylight hours! It’s kind of the best. I love me some play-date action. Unless your kid sucks, in which case, I’m busy.
7) When you found out about your book deal, how did you react? Cool, calm and collected or a giant excitable freak-out?
I was like “whatever, no big deal” and then I went grocery shopping. Except, the exact opposite of that in every way.
8) I read sporadically for a while, then a few pages in the front, then 20 pages from the back, then steady front to back reading. I did this because I suffer from ADHD and loved that I could pick up the book and read any page. HOWEVER, for those without this ‘I-have-piles-of-stuff-everywhere’ ailment, how do you recommend people peruse this book?
With a cocktail in hand. The book makes a great drink coaster. And even though the book is written chronologically, it can be read pretty piecemeal. I mean, you won’t get the complexities and subtext, and the delicate balance of the inner struggle of the protagonist, but you know… to each their own.
9) In your Other Mom’s post, you say that on any given day, you become one to three of the other dreaded ‘other mommies’. Out of the seven categories, The Biter, The Screamer, The Crier, The Suck,The Bully, The Show Mom, and The Germ Harborer, which are you most fearful of becoming on a regular basis?
I am all of these women and some point every day.
10) Anything else you want to share?
Yes. Buy the book! Buy multiple copies! Makes the ultimate baby shower gift or birth control reminder.
Needless to day this book is hilarious and after September 10th, every knocked-up lady I know and new moms that I’m friends with will be receiving a copy of this hilarious, scary (scary like the thought of giving birth scary, not ghostly scary) and truthful book.
Sincerely your favourite non-mom,
Jen Talks Too Much