Oh hey there. Remember me? I took a mini hiatus from writing the last couple of weeks because well…I was tired, and then on holiday and really really busy. This summer has been nuts. Like so nuts that I’ve been spread so thin that I feel like I should be taller and thinner. But I’m not. I’m the same with a little extra wine weight hanging around my middle. Anyway, today I’m going to write an open letter to all of the boyfriends that exist.
Dear boyfriends of the world,
I wanted to let you in on a little secret that your seemingly normal girlfriend is probably keeping from you. You see, this secret is one that she’s most likely had for the majority of her life. I mean there may be some girls out there who aren’t keeping this from you because it’s just not them, however according to my statistical survey of some of my friends, this secret is kept by nearly all girls in the entire world. The entire world.
I’m not sure if as a species you men/boys are ready to be purvey to this information, however, I feel it is my duty to fill you in, so that if you ever catch your lady friend in this web of lies, you won’t be too frightened because you’ll realize that this abnormal behaviour is completely girl-normal. And that makes it OK.
So, here it is. We, the female species, have been keeping a secret wedding list since before we even knew how to write. What’s that all about? Obviously, this isn’t true for those of us that do not want to get married, and the rare ones that don’t daydream about their wedding, but for the rest of the 99.99999% of us, it is completely true. And, truthfully, we think about said list all the time. I know this seems scary, but I truly don’t think you should be frightened.
What I’m hoping will calm down your man-freak-out you’re experiencing as you read this, is that this list exists whether or not you are in the picture. It kind of has nothing to do with you. I mean, it kind of does, because you may be the lucky man who gets to experience this magical day with us, but the thing is, most of us have been dreaming about our wedding since we were single, when we were just kids, even when we were with ex-boyfriends, and at every other stage of our lives before you were in it. We’ve thought about it. We’ve thought about the whole day.
In fact, some of us have secret wedding pinterest lists, some of us have excel spreadsheets with names on them, others have scrap books and others just have it all mapped out in their heads. We know how we want our hair to look, and what style of dresses we’re going to look at when we go shopping. We know if we want it inside, outside, small, big, or even whether or not we want to have a tiger there. We think about it. We plan it. But don’t freak out about it. Just because these plans exist, doesn’t mean we want to get married next month or next year or anytime in the near future. All it means is that our parents, media, and our religious backgrounds have brainwashed us so well that we have no control over thinking about what’s been painted as the happiest day of our lives when we get to look like princesses. That’s all it really means. It also doesn’t mean that we won’t be willing to budge if you have some other ideas in mind when the time comes, like say you want to get married in a church and your girlie wants an outside Robin Hood Prince of Thieves ceremony. We understand that even though it’s ‘our’ day, it’s yours too and there will have to be some compromises so that you actually want to be at the damn party.
I for one have known that I want to have the biggest dance party of all time. I know that I want people to remember my wedding as the best wedding/dancing night of their life. I know roughly who would be my bridesmaids, what style of dress I want and the colour of my flowers. And I’ve known most of this long before Mr. Opposite ever came into my life. And I know if we ever grow up and decide to get married that there will have to be lots of compromises by both parties because of our opposite nature (except there will be no exceptions made about the dance party…that is a mandatory). I digress.
The point is that you don’t need to freak out if you find out that your lady is keeping a secret wedding list from you. Just remember that pretty much all of the girls in the world are the same and that their list kind of has nothing to do with you. Until you ask her to marry you and then it has everything to do with you. EEK freak out now.
Well gentlemen, I hoped I made you feel better. Until next time.
Jen Talks Too Much