In our society, ‘what do you want for your birthday?’ is a question that many, if not most of us are faced with each and every year. Yet, for some reason, each year, this question gets harder and harder to answer. ​What’s that all about?

So, this year, I’m going to dream big. I want:

1. To have lunch with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. The three of us can sit, talk, eat, and joke about how funny we all are…errr I mean how funny they are. And then the three of us can be best friends. Ok. Maybe that’s too far. We’ll be good friends!
2. To be able to eat as many cookies as I want, whenever I want and not gain a pound. Being part cookie monster is not good for the waistline.
3. This debt crisis to be taken care of, and not at the expense of citizens who had nothing to do with the bad decisions that governments made by borrowing money from private banks.
4. To have a conversation with Bill Maher. He’s funny and a lot smarter than me.
5. Global health care. Everyone in the world should have FREE access to healthcare. This just seems obvious.
6. A maid. I’ll pay her well. I just don’t want to clean ever again.
7. Not to be afraid that the world is going to end. Seriously, these natural disasters are making me see Mayan.       
8. Women to have equal rights everywhere. Not just in North America where rights to our own bodies and birth control are somehow still up for debate, but everywhere.
9. People to cut it out with this racism bull crap.
10. To win Lottomax. This is a big one. $50 Million in my pocket would be very, very nice. I’d give my parents and my brothers family huge chunks, cousins and aunts and uncles big chunks, friends generous gifts, and charities numerous donations. So really this one is not only is for me, it’s for everyone.
11. Homosexuals treated the same as heterosexuals. Who cares what people do in their own bedrooms. It’s none of our damn business. So sick of gaytred!
12. Marriage equality for all! Except minors. I actually think their should be a law that makes it impossible to get married before 27 because so much changes from 18 to 27.
13. Religious fanatics to stop using ‘God’ as an excuse to be an asshole.
14. All my readers to like my http://facebook.com/jentalkstoomuch fanpage. And for them to share it with all of their friends. Come on people. Over 1400 of you have read my site over 50 times, and only 278 of you like my fanpage. Let’s fix this.
15. Obama to win his second term and to not let Romney and his Country Club buddies take over. The latter thought makes me quiver.
16. Some people I care about to seriously think about how much they drink/do drugs and or, who/what they do when f-d up.
17. To finish my book. I want it to be done. I want a publisher to read it and be like ‘you’re the funniest writer ever’ and then have every liberal man and woman purchase it and carefully place my book in their bathroom for quality reading time.
18. To find the perfect birthday gift for Mr. Opposite. This big birthday of his is really stressing me out.
19. My blog to become a successful TV show. I want to be so successful that it airs Thursday nights in between 30 Rock and Parks and Rec. This really isn’t that much to ask for is it? IS IT?
20. To wake up and have all of my wrinkles to have magically disappeared.
21. Happiness and health for my loved ones, and people I don’t love. Everyone deserves to be happy. As long as they are good people that is and not racist greedy homophobes. They deserve to be angry. Angry because they are idiots.
22. To be in a musical. Singing and dancing are two of the best things to do of all time and I’d like to do them together, in public, and get applauded.
23. To be a contributor to Jezebel.com. That magazine is amazing and I want to write for them. You hear that Jessica Coen. I want to write for you!
24. My brother, his wife, and my nephew to visit Ontario more and to be healthy and happy. Oh yeah…HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB!
25. All my knocked up friends to have successful and easy pregnancies. I can’t believe I have over a fist full of pregnant friends right now.
26. My parents to retire soon, so that they can enjoy their time together. And, I want my mom to paint again. She’s so darn talented.
27. Mr. Opposite’s family to be healthy and worry free.
28. Daphne to move back from New Zealand. I miss her. New Zealand is just too far. Yeah, and Miss. Nikki, you can move home now too. Thank you.
29. Air Canada/West Jet to lower the cost to fly from one end of Canada to the next. I have friends and family on the west coast, and in Alberta that I want to see more often but I can’t because the prices are so stupid. I miss you all.
30. To dance again. I want to Tango and dance the Viennese Waltz every day for the rest of my life.
31. World Peace.

So world, now that I’ve put out my birthday wishes, I expect them all to come true. Well, maybe not all of them, but some of them would be nice *cough – lunch with Tina and Amy.

P.s. My birthday is November 8.