It’s hard to believe that a mere 6 years ago, my income came from cooking and cleaning for Muskoka’s insanely wealthy. It was a great summer gig, I got to cook in some of the most amazing kitchens I’ve ever seen. I was working for Kelly Ballance of Better Living and not only did I cook, I cleaned more windows, floors, and toilets than anyone ever – clearly an exaggeration, but some of these places had like 12 bathrooms.

One may think that a girl with this job would LOVE cleaning. You know, those girls that clean when their stressed or procrastinating and can’t sleep if there’s a plate in the sink? You know, clean girls? A sad, but true fact about me is that I hate cleaning. And when I say hate, I mean it. Hate is a powerful word, so I’m not using it lightly. In fact, I suffer from hyperventilating-anxiety when I think about my vacuum that needs to be emptied (if only it was a Dyson, then my disdain for that dirt-sucking-machine would be lessened – hint). Anyway, I picture myself dropping the dust cartridge and my apartment being coated in a layer of filth that I’d actually have to deal with. Ugh. What’s that all about?

It turns out that I suffer from an undiagnosed severe case of a Cleaning Disorder. There are three kinds of Cleaning Disorders, I endure the messy kind, but there are others:

1. Purge-orexic – A person who throws away everything because they can’t stand the thought of clutter. This often causes them to spend more money on clothes, food, toiletries because they threw out perfectly good older ones because it was time to ‘clean house’.
2. Scrub-oholics – Never go to a scrub-oholics for dinner. I say this for a few reasons: a) they’ll make you wash your shoes before you step on their welcome mat, b) before you are done your meal, your plate has been washed, dried and put away, leaving you no chance to decide if you want seconds, and c) they watch your every step and follow behind you with Bounty just in case you drop anything.
3. Lazyslashmessy-orexic – This is what I suffer from. A person who stresses out so much about the effort it’s going to take to put a dish away, when in reality, it takes no effort at all. Actually, if you cleaned up after yourself, a even just a little, at all times, you wouldn’t have to lose entire weekends to cleaning because your apartment is growing it’s own colony of mold creatures. I’m not actually this bad, you can find my kitchen counter for the most part and the sink is usually empty (all thanks to Mr. Opposite).

As you can see, I’m in desperate need of help. In fact, I’m currently looking for a reasonably priced cleaning lady in Toronto if you know any!