To my mom, brother, dad, boyfriends family, etc…maybe you shouldn’t read this one? Typically, I don’t write about sex, but many of my girlfriends have been having this conversation so I thought it was time for me to talk too much about it.
When people find themselves in the first stage of falling in love, there’s this chemical imbalance between both partners in which they officially transform into jack rabbits. One day they are human, and the next day, they are Mr. and Mrs. Humper and Humpette Jack Rabbit. And because of this, for a while, Mr. and Mrs. Jack Rabbit completely disappear from the normal world, bail on their friends, plans, and responsibilities because they are too busy testing their mattress springs, couch springs, counter springs – wait counters don’t have springs… you get the point.
Anyway, they lose all sense of reality and become a couple of horny toads, until that is, the chemical levels in their brains level out and they realize that the sex won’t stop happening so their incessant need to ‘do it’ as if they’re never going to get another chance is diminished. Plus, by that point, they’ve almost lost all of their friends from being completely non-existent and they’ve started to look like a junky because sleeping has been replaced with monkey love.
It’s at this point, when the couple starts finding other things to do outside of the bedroom and the 20-30 times a week is substantially dropped to a number much more sustainable.
But what is that number? What is the right amount of sex to have? Is it once a day? Is it twice a day? Is it 3-7 times a week? Why is there no answer? What’s that all about? If there’s no such thing as a normal sex life because everyone is different and everyone has different wants and desires, then how are we suppose to know if our 3-7 times a week, or once a week, or 500 times a month is normal?
Anyway, after doing my research (I googled once), I have come to the conclusion that no amount of sex is normal. I guess it’s about finding that amount that both parties are comfortable with and going for it…literally. I’m sure my friend Kristen Mark will chime in (she’s a super duper sex researcher) right about now…
6 Responses to “How much sex is enough sex?”
May 16, 2012
(@jentalkstoomuch) (@jentalkstoomuch)How much #sex is the right amount of #sex? http://t.co/Tj8ba39j
May 16, 2012
Kristen MarkSo, my input isn’t going to answer your question. Because, you’re right, there is no “normal”. I prefer to try and take away the emphasis on normal – I’m not sure why we do that with so many things – in your words, “what’s that all about?”
A lot of my research is in the area of desire discrepancy, when one member of the couple has a higher level of sexual desire than the other member of the couple. And I look at this in long-term couples for the exact reason that you mention in this post (all those chemicals going all wonky in the brain during the beginning). To answer your question (sort of), I think it is best to just talk to your partner about preferences – not just in terms of frequency, but also in terms of what you do, when you do it, and what you do and don’t like about it all.
This is also the source of the problem when couples move to making the relationship ultra-serious (read: move in together, get married, etc.) before their chemicals settle down (which, by the way, is usually around the 2-year point…I know, longer than you thought, but sex isn’t the only marker of this chemical change). When people get in too deep before figuring out how they mesh together when their chemicals settle down, they can be stuck in a marriage or living situation that they will quickly realize is difficult to maintain.
So, that’s my blurb. There is no normal. Talk to your partner about more than just frequency. And let those chemicals get settled down a little bit before you walk down the isle or sign a mortgage together!
May 16, 2012
Kristen Mark (@Kristen_Mark)How much sex is “normal”? A question from the awesome blog of @jentalkstoomuch Naturally, I chimed in http://t.co/u59BkfUJ
May 16, 2012
Dont Touch Game (@DontTouchGame)@Kristen_Mark @jentalkstoomuch Luv this article of what’s ‘normal’ after the honeymoon ends http://t.co/1l0fJOOX http://t.co/4KqKwh10
May 17, 2012
Lonnie Kingshottok cousin here is my opinion: at the start yes there is a lot of sex, but your right eventually you get into a routine that is right for you there is no normal amount….just enjoy the intimacy shared with your partner
July 27, 2012
Jen WoodallI’m scared to have a routine.