There’s a point in every late bloomers life, when they come to realize that everyone around them has decided to take the plunge and get knocked up. Even friends that you thought would NEVER have children, start to get that twinkle in their eye (probably because they’re having a lot of sex again) and the next thing you know they’ve purchased a new bumper sticker that says ‘Baby on Board’. What’s that all about?

The thing is, as happy as you are for your friends, I mean, nothing on Earth is greater than bringing life into it, however, there’s this feeling in the pit of your stomach and a voice in the back of your head that says ‘well, guess you’ve lost another one’.

Maybe it’s because being around children for too long makes my skin crawl, and maybe it’s because when my wonderful, beautiful nephew starts crying, I start sweating and desparetly seek out his parents, and maybe it’s because I’m about as mature as a 21 year old frat boy, but I miss my childless friends. I miss conversations that aren’t about strollers, breast feeding and ‘ohhh the baby did this today’.

On top of that, there’s a great divide that starts to form between the have’s (with child) and the have-not’s (no child). The have-not’s just don’t get what the haves are talking about, nor do they want to understand what the have’s are talking about. The ‘baby’, in fact, has changed everything, whether or not anyone is ready. I have no idea what it means to be a mom and that by becoming a mom all of a sudden I’ll have super powers causing me to be able to shower in 30 seconds or less. I don’t know what it’s like to go to Jumperee (or whatever it’s called) and I’d rather drink vinegar than watch Baby Einstein.

All that said, I really do love the conversations about strollers, breast feedings and what the baby did that day. I love my friends, and their babies, and the fact that they want more and more babies. I think what my problem is that I’ve become a bitter old hag who’s coming to terms with the fact that I may never want children. Well, maybe I want children. I think I want children. I want children (just not any time soon). But what I also want in the mean time is some friends to get drunk with and not talk about babies because one day in the near future, I may not have any childless friends left and at that point, I’ll have to scour hangouts where people under 25 go so I can snag some new childless friends.