As I’ve mentioned before, in my wilder youth I would spend my summers in Muskoka. We would go to concerts, bars, parties, late night boat rides…yada, yada-yada.
In Muskoka, there was this one fellow in particular that today I’m going to focus on. HE WAS/IS BEAUTIFUL. I’m going to put money on it, that in real life, I’ve never met anyone as good looking as him. His looks are similar to that guy from Gossip Girl. Realistically, I’d bet his life is similar to Gossip Girl. Fancy private schools, fancy friends…fancy life.
All that being said, with such beauty comes great power. This man had quite the reputation in Muskoka. He was known for being a serious lady killer.
There’s a rumour that he once went up to a girl at a pub and said ‘I’ve slept with every girl here but you’…AND the line supposedly worked. What’s that all about? Awesomeness and hilarity. If this rumour is true #1 That’s hilarious. #2 Good for him. Why not just put it all out there with all cards on the table? Remember though… how often are rumours true?
On one boat ride home from an amazing party on an island, everyone was having a good time, when all of a sudden, I felt a hand on my bottom. I looked to my left, followed the arm that the hand was attached to and saw this man nuzzling his head in one of my friends boobs while simultaneously reaching out to touch my bum.
This move was, ballsy, confident and total dirt baggy. Needless to say I had a good laugh (knowing his reputation) then changed seats.
When I saw this fellow the next time, I reminded him of the scenario and joked:
Listen, I’m never going to sleep with you. However you’re probably the best looking person I’ve ever seen, so you can feel free to grab my bum anytime you like!
Yes, it’s true, those words came out of my mouth. Mind you I was kidding (I suffer from a severe problem of finding myself funny)…but really if he did it again I wouldn’t have been mad. I’d have laughed.
When it was time to leave the party, we all had to climb back into the boat. For some reason, this gentleman was sitting where we needed to step to get into the boat. When Melissa stepped into the boat, she got a little too close to his member and he screamed:
MY DICK, MY DICK, YOU BROKE MY DICK.
Melissa then looked at him straight faced and replied:
Maybe that’s a good thing.
It was brilliant. Her timing was amazing and to date it was one of the funniest burn I’ve ever seen. The entire boat laughed: his friends, our friends, him…it was priceless.