Ok, ok, that’s a bold title. Men and woman CAN be friends. It’s just very, very, very, very tricky – especially if one (or both) of you is in a serious relationship.
In high school, I had two guy friends that I would separately spend a lot of time with. We’d watch movies together, talk about the people that we liked and we were very affectionate with each other (do not assume anything here, we were just friends…these dudes were in the friend-zone with me and I was in the fro-zone with them). As a teen, I assumed that we’d maintain this kind of friendship forever.
As you grow older, you begin to realize that the lifelong friendships that you envisioned with your male friends resorts to events: reunions, holiday celebrations, big parties, weddings and engagement parties. What’s that all about? The person you confided everything to is no longer totally accessible to you. Darn. So, you now have to accept the fact that you can no longer talk on the phone for hours and go for dinner with your friend, because well, he’s now talking to the girl he’s dating and taking her out instead of you. Your roll is no longer necessary. Therefore, you again have to accept the fact that your friendship has changed and if you want to sustain any kind of relationship with this person you MUST befriend their girlfriend/spouse. This is an absolute must. If you are unable to do so, consider your friendship toast. This also works in the reverse. If your spouse hates your male friend…are you really going to be spending much time with them? The answer my friends is NO.
Here is a list of perks of befriending the spouse:
- Euchre is awesome!
- You can go on vacations as couples
- Invites to dinner parties
- Set ups…nobody wants a singleton at their dinner party
- Friends are great. Why not have one more?
- Did I hear ‘GAME NIGHT’?
- When you spend time with your friend, you don’t have to worry about an angry spouse waiting for them when they get home because she trusts that you’re not some girl trying to steal her man.
This also goes for your same sex friends, however, if the spouses don’t like either of you, you can still have your one-on-one time because you’re of the same sex and there’s less of a chance of ‘doing it’. I know, I know, it’s a sad fact, but unfortunately it’s true.
In some cases though, no matter how much you want to befriend your friends spouse, you can’t. You try and you try and you just can’t. Here’s a list of a few reasons why your friends girlfriend does not want to be your friend and more importantly does not want their boyfriend to be your friend:
A) At some point, you engaged in sexual relations. Doesn’t matter if any feelings are left over or not, if this has happened, you’re screwed.
B) You have feeling for him. Woman’s intuition is amazingly accurate. She will put her stamp on him so fast, you won’t be able to hang one-on-one ever again.
C) You meet on a day you’re looking fab and she’s looking shabby.
D) Just A and B
E) All of the above
That was a little dramatic. That said, if any of the above happened, you can remedy this. You just need to prove that you want nothing to do with your friends private parts and you are in the clear.
Really, when all is said and done, there’s no harm in befriending their girlfriend. It’s actually beneficial for all parties. So, if you want to stay friends with you ‘opposite sex’ friend, get to know their spouse. It will make a world of difference.
I wrote this from a female point of view, but I’m pretty sure that this can be flipped to be from the male POV.